IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should invest more money in public services instead of spending on arts such as music and theatre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Over the past few years, the area of investing
money
Use synonyms
 has been a controversial topic.
Although
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 some believe that it is necessary for
governmnts
Correct your spelling
governments
 to allocate more
money
Use synonyms
 to public
services
Use synonyms
 rather than investing more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, including music and theatre, I agree that investing
Use synonyms
governments
Check wording
apply
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both areas would be beneficial. On one hand, it is widely acknowledged that
Use synonyms
governments
Check wording
governments'
show examples
 focus should shift toward public
services
Use synonyms
due to
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 the
considrable
Correct your spelling
considerable
 social and
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 effects they may lead to. One of the major benefits of public
services
Use synonyms
 is that they allow individuals access to free education regardless of their
socio-economic
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socioeconomic
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 status.
Moreover
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, they have a significant
infleunce
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influence
 on economics. Public
services
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 provide more opportunities for
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
.
Consequently
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, they eradicate poverty. Another advantage is health care
services
Use synonyms
 that promote
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overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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 well-being of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society by providing free treatment and preventive care.
On the other hand
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, positive effects of investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, namely music and
Correct your spelling
theatre
theatere
Punctuation problem
theatere,
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 are undeniable.
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Likewise
Add a comma
Likewise,
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 public
services
Use synonyms
, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on art benefits the
economics
Replace the word
economy
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 by generating revenue from tourism and
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 in rural areas.
In addition
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,
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arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, regarded as an essential element of culture, create
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of identity.
Hence
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, they help to the preservation of cultures.
Nevertheless
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,
prioritizing
Use the right word
prioritising
show examples
 one area, whether public
services
Use synonyms
 or
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, can negatively impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society In conclusion,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
 some argue that
governments
Use synonyms
 should devote more
money
Use synonyms
 to a specific area, public
services
Use synonyms
, I believe it may lead to negative consequences.
However
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, it is necessary for
governments
Use synonyms
 to maintain a balance between investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 them.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction. It is confusing when you say you agree with both sides.
coherence cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences at the start of your paragraphs, so it is easier to follow your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Check your spelling and grammar, especially for words like 'government', 'employment', and 'theatre.' Accurate spelling helps with clarity.
task achievement
You provide good points about both public services and the arts, showing that you understand both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion sums up the main idea well and reinforces the need for balance between both areas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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