IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cities of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However in some other cities, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one is better?

It is a very surprising fact that
cars
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 are replacing
cycles
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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cycles
Use synonyms
 are replacing
cars
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. The scientific and technical advancements
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along
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, along
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 with socio-cultural and political
changes
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changes,
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 can be held responsible for
this
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 phenomenon. As far as my opinion is concerned, I believe that it is better if
cycles
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 replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cars
Use synonyms
 because it is
favorable
Use the right word
favourable
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 for the present generation and posterity
To begin
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with
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with,
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 the reasons
,
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apply
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 it can be seen that
people
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 like to use
cars
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, under peer pressure, easy finance facilities to own a car, to save commuting time, to enjoy privacy and avoid the impact of bad weather
while
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traveling
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travelling
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.
On the other hand
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,
cycles
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 are given priority because
people
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 do not want to spend unnecessarily on fuel; they
also
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 like cycling for their fitness and to save the environment. Fortunately, many governments encourage their citizens to use
Use synonyms
cycles
Use the right word
bicycles
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. There are
myriads
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myriad
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of
Change preposition
apply
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reasons to support that the growing number of
cycles
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 is better than the rapid increase
of
Change preposition
in
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cars
Use synonyms
. First and foremost,
cycles
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 are eco-friendly and can go a long way to reduce the carbon
footprints
Fix the agreement mistake
footprint
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from
Change preposition
on
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 the earth.
Besides
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,
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cycles
Replace the word
cycling
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 can make
people
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 physically fit because it requires muscle energy to
pull
Verb problem
pedal
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 a cycle.
Furthermore
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,
cycles
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 help
people
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 save their money and
also
Linking Words
 reduce fatal accidents. It is well documented that in the countries where
cycles
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 are preferred, the citizens are more hale and hearty and less prone to road mishaps than those countries where
cars
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 are preferred. Pondering over the issues, it can be well
analyzed
Use the right word
analysed
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 that giving priority to
cycles
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 is better than giving priority to
cars
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. It is a win-win situation not only for the masses but
for
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also for
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 the governments
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apply
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also
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. Cycling is eco-friendly,
pocket friendly
Use the right word
pocket-friendly
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, good for health, and reduces the expenses of governments to widen the existing roads and make new roads.

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task response
Make sure to clearly introduce and conclude your points. Your introduction could be stronger by detailing what the essay will cover.
coherence and cohesion
Try to give more examples and make connections between your points clearer. This can help the reader understand your thoughts better.
task achievement
Your mention of eco-friendliness and health benefits of cycling is a strong point.
coherence and cohesion
You present two perspectives in the introduction, which is a good way to set up the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • affluence
  • commuting distances
  • infrastructure
  • rapid growth
  • status symbol
  • environmental concerns
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable
  • liveable environments
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