IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people consider art to be essential and others think it is not. Which view do you agree with and why? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that
art
Use synonyms
 is important to
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
 and society. I strongly agree because our talk
people
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several ways,
such
Linking Words
 as mentally or financially. 
To begin
Linking Words
 with, researches show that most
people
Use synonyms
 have recovered from illnesses,
art
Use synonyms
 has a significant role in getting their
life
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 together. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
patients start to do some
art
Use synonyms
 in order to get
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their normal
life
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again
Rephrase
back
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 after fighting illnesses are most likely having talent
such
Linking Words
 as drawing ,writing poems and a lot of other kinds of
art
Use synonyms
. It is making them feel more connected to
life
Use synonyms
 and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a reason to continue. Another point to consider is
Linking Words
although
Correct word choice
that although
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art
Use synonyms
 is more like
hobby
Correct article usage
a hobby
show examples
 since
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy doing it, it can
boosts
Wrong verb form
boost
show examples
 the economy.
Variety
Correct article usage
A variety
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 of individuals are selling what they are good at. It is their job
depending
Punctuation problem
, depending
show examples
 on completely and
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 a second job, because it is a win. Doing what you love and making money from it.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 in my country do
this
Linking Words
, especially nurses. Like opening a salon or a coffee shop
while
Linking Words
 still having another job. Which might help
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 the economy. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that
art
Use synonyms
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a crucial part in the world. Arts can't help
people
Use synonyms
 go through
life
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 boost the economy.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it throughout the paragraph.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific artists or art movements that helped people.
grammar and language
Check your grammar and spelling. For example, 'in a several ways' should be 'in several ways'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words like 'first', 'next', and 'finally' to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
You express a strong opinion about the importance of art clearly.
supported main points
You provide an interesting connection between art and recovery from illness.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural expression
  • preserving cultural identity
  • foster creativity
  • critical thinking
  • emotional expression
  • economic activity
  • boost tourism
  • therapeutic effects
  • reduce stress
  • social commentary
  • promote social change
  • individual expression
  • personal fulfillment
  • sense of achievement
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