IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that the fitness and strongest individuals and teams can achieve the greatest success in sports. But other people think that success in much related to mental attitude. Discuss both and give your opinion.

Some argue that
success
Use synonyms
 in sports in regard to body endurance
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 others,
however
Linking Words
, believe
this
Linking Words
 advance is related to mental strategy. I consider both opinions are step-stone for accomplishments in athletic activity. Originally, supporters of the physical power cite that
success
Use synonyms
 in matches relies on fitness. Strong and good-shaped bodies have numerous effects on players
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
self- confidence
Use the right word
self-confidence
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 and self-image. To be more precise, not only do they have a high chance of
success
Use synonyms
 in contests, but
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
they also
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 experience a high quality of
live
Replace the word
life
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. The more stamina an athlete has, the more tolerance they show under physical pressure.
For instance
Linking Words
, according
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 statistics from Harvard University, competitors with strong and powerful muscles can readily beat their opponents.
As a result
Linking Words
, strength and fitness play a significant role in athletic life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that overcoming mental challenges is a key factor in an athlete's
success
Use synonyms
. When they are defeated in a match, it is possible to lose their
self-esteam
Correct your spelling
self-esteem
. In challenging
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, positive thinking and a mental mindset lend a helping hand.
For example
Linking Words
, Michael Jordan was a symbol of persistence and effort because he was never discouraged, just as he has said'' I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And
that is
Linking Words
 why I succeed
''
Punctuation problem
apply
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, no one can deny the importance of the mental approach in
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 life.
To sum up
Linking Words
, both physical
strengthen
Replace the word
strength
show examples
 and mindset act as vital factors in an athletic career
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I strongly claim that a healthy mind lives in a healthy body.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your main points are more clearly supported with examples and evidence. Try to provide specific examples for each argument you make.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly. Using linking words and phrases can help make your essay clearer and easier to follow.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
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