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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar graph below shows basic information about uses of leisure time among different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main information and making comparisons.

The bar graph below shows basic information about uses of leisure time among different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main information and making comparisons.
The bar chart shows the average number of
hours
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups in the UK spend on
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities alone and with
others
Use synonyms
 each day.
It is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 of all ages like to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with
others
Use synonyms
 than alone. The amount of
time
Use synonyms
 alone increases steadily with
age
Use synonyms
. In the graph, it can be seen that children aged 8-15 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with
others
Use synonyms
, at around 5.2
hours
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, they spend the least of their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 alone, which is 1 hour. The Teenagers spend more
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 with
others
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, at over 4
hours
Use synonyms
 and spend
time
Use synonyms
 alone nearly 2
hours
Use synonyms
.
Rephrase
alone.
show examples
 The
age
Use synonyms
 groups of 25 to 34 and 35 to 44 are almost the same. They both spend
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 with
others
Use synonyms
 near 4
hours
Use synonyms
 per day and spend alone above 1 hour. The
age
Use synonyms
 group of 45 to 64 is slightly increased . The most interesting thing is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 older
people
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
Use synonyms
 alone than other
age
Use synonyms
 groups. It is almost 3
hours
Use synonyms
 per day. In summary, younger
people
Use synonyms
 spend more of their
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 with
others
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 older adults tend to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 alone.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, people, age, leisure, others, time with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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