IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

the bar number of international tripper who visited in the years 2010 and 2020.

The bar chart provides key information about the count of international
tripper
Fix the agreement mistake
trippers
show examples
 who visited France, the USA, China, Italy and
Australia
Use synonyms
 between 2010 and 2020. The units are measured in numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the number
ber
Check wording
apply
show examples
of international tourists who visited France had the highest figures,
while
Linking Words
 the number of international tourists who visited
Australia
Use synonyms
 had the lowest. In general, there were noticeable differences among the categories. In 2010, the figure of international
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
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to France recorded the highest
cipher
Check wording
number
show examples
 at around 76,
whereas
Linking Words
 the total of
excursionist
Fix the agreement mistake
excursionists
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 who visited
Australia
Use synonyms
 was lower at 30. By 2020, increased to 36. Meanwhile, the figures for the USA, China and Italy
also
Linking Words
chenged
Correct your spelling
changed
 from 60, 55 and 45
millons
Correct your spelling
million
 to 69, 65 and 65
milluons
Correct your spelling
million
.
Farnce
Correct your spelling
France
 was highest throughout the period,
while
Linking Words
Australia
Use synonyms
 was lowest
than
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all
countres
Correct your spelling
countries
.

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task achievement
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar, such as 'number' instead of 'number ber' and 'count' instead of 'ciper'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clear sentences that connect your ideas better. For example, you can use words like 'first', 'next', and 'finally' to show the order of your points.
task achievement
Include more specific numbers to show the changes better. For example, say how many visitors went to each country instead of just saying 'the highest' or 'the lowest'.
coherence and cohesion
You had a good introduction, but adding a conclusion that sums up your main points would make it stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states what the bar chart is about, which is a good start.
task achievement
You included comparisons between countries, which helps readers understand the data better.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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