the bar chart the number of international trippers who visited to five contries from 2010 to 2020

The bar chart provides key information about the count of international trippers who visited
France
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, the USA, China, Italy and
Australia
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between 2010 and 2020. The units are measured in numbers.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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the number of international tourists who visited
France
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had the highest figures,
while
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the number of international tourists who visited
Australia
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had the lowest. In general, there were noticeable differences among the categories. In 2010, the figure of international visitors to
France
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recorded the highest number at around 76,
whereas
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the total of excursionists who visited
Australia
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was lower at 30. By 2020, increased to 36. Meanwhile, the figures for the USA, China and Italy
also
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changed from 60, 55 and 45 million to 69, 65 and 65 million.
France
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was highest throughout the period,
while
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Australia
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was lowest among all countries.

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task achievement
Make sure to include all data points and summarize all trends accurately.
coherence and cohesion
Use more connecting phrases to improve flow between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Add an introduction and conclusion that clearly outlines and summarizes the key findings and trends in the data.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies the countries and the years being discussed.
task achievement
Good attempt at overall summary of the data trends.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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