IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some today argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from the internet and be educated at home.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's fast-paced world, the
internet
Use synonyms
 plays a pivotal role in all aspects of life. Some believe that the
internet
Use synonyms
 provides opportunities for
students
Use synonyms
 to be educated at home
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they aren't required to attend
school
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 I agree that the
internet
Use synonyms
 has been beneficial for
students
Use synonyms
, I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of attending
school
Use synonyms
 are undeniable. On one hand, widespread adoption of the
internet
Use synonyms
 allows pupils to access
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a wide range of information in a variety of online platforms,
such
Linking Words
 as YouTube. These platforms provide opportunities for
students
Use synonyms
 to be able to learn regardless of time and place limitations.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they take responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their learning and consider
spontaneous
Correct pronoun usage
themselves spontaneous
show examples
 learners.
However
Linking Words
, education at home may lead to countless negative consequences. One of the major drawbacks of considering the
internet
Use synonyms
 as the only source of learning is that, limitless amount of information
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 available on the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, choosing the most suitable resource would be a catastrophic issue for
students
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 brings considerable merits, which can't be achieved through the
internet
Use synonyms
. Schools play a crucial role in shaping
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 generation. They are social places in which
students
Use synonyms
 are connected with each
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 and learn how to communicate and respect.
In addition
Linking Words
, strict rules at schools make them responsible for
real life
Use the right word
real-life
show examples
 situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, being present at
school
Use synonyms
 at 8:00 teaches them to be punctual.
Moreover
Linking Words
, teachers facilitate the process of learning by presenting content based on
students
Use synonyms
' learning styles, which seems impossible in virtual learning environments. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 offers many advantages by providing free and unlimited resources. I believe attending and educating at
school
Use synonyms
 and making
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 with peers and educators provide
students
Use synonyms
 with lessons that can't be learned in online learning environments.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and provide a more detailed conclusion that sums up your arguments well.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words to help your ideas flow more smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Great use of examples to support your points about the benefits of school.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: