IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens. Write a report for a university lecture describing the information below.

The given pie charts compare the expenses in 7 different categories in 1966 and 1996 by American Citizens. Write a report for a university lecture describing the information below.
The charts
have
Verb problem
show
show examples
 a significant difference
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 expenses between 1966 and 1996
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 American Citizens. It is evident that the major proportion has a change from
food
Use synonyms
 to
cars
Use synonyms
, and there are three types of change
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the seven categories. There are
changing
Wrong verb form
changes in
show examples
 the
majority
Use synonyms
 of the seven parts
within
Change preposition
among
show examples
american
Fix capitalization
American
show examples
citizends
Correct your spelling
citizens
. To be specific, the
food
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
majority
Use synonyms
 in 1966 with 64%,
however
Linking Words
, the
cars
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the biggest proportion in 1996 with 45%. Interestingly, the second
majority
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 in 1996 with 23%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 shows the
food
Use synonyms
 and restaurants in 1996 with 14%. It means that the
majority
Use synonyms
 and minority
changes
Replace the word
changed
show examples
 between 1966 and 1996.
Obiously
Correct your spelling
Obviously
, there are two types of
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
. First of all, the interesting
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 is
food
Use synonyms
, which transforms 44% to 14%.
Also
Linking Words
, petrol,which is 9% to 7%,
furniture
Correct word choice
and furniture
show examples
, which is 10% 8% are slightly decreasing.
Also
Linking Words
, the books
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 decreased
6
Change preposition
from 6
show examples
% to 2%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
cars
Use synonyms
 have a significant
increases
Fix the agreement mistake
increase
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 23% to 45%.
In addition
Linking Words
, the computers sharply
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
1
Change preposition
by 1
show examples
% to 10%.
Finally
Linking Words
, restaurants have
double
Replace the word
doubled
show examples
increasing
Verb problem
in number
show examples
 with 7% to 14%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, in contrast".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, cars, majority with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: