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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that traditional skills, like cooking and sewing, are no longer necessary in modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today’s world, many
people
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 believe that traditional
skills
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 like cooking and sewing are not necessary anymore. I agree with
this
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 view because modern life gives
people
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 easier ways to do daily tasks, and most
people
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 now focus on learning different
skills
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 for their future. One main reason is that modern technology and services have replaced many traditional tasks.
For example
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,
people
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 can order food easily through mobile apps, so they do not need to cook at home every day.
Also
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, clothing is now cheap and available everywhere, so
people
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 no longer need to sew their own clothes or repair them. These services help save time and effort, especially for busy
people
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 in cities. Another reason is that
people
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 are now more interested in learning
skills
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 that are useful for work and daily life today. In the past, learning how to cook or sew was common, especially at home. But now,
people
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 prefer to study subjects like computers, languages, and business because these are more helpful for getting jobs or starting a career. Many schools
also
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 focus more on modern subjects
instead
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 of traditional ones. In conclusion, I believe that traditional
skills
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 like cooking and sewing are not as important as they were before.
This
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 is because modern life provides easier solutions, and
people
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 now need different
skills
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 to succeed in today’s world.

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task achievement
Make sure to answer the question more fully. You should explain why some people might still find traditional skills important.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'however', 'firstly', 'in addition') to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Add more examples for your points. For example, you could give a specific example of a modern skill that is important.
content
Your introduction clearly presents your opinion on the topic.
content
You have a good conclusion that wraps up your essay well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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