IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Those who practice traditional medicine claim that it is better than modern medicine in maintaining and improving health. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view?

Although
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 some people believe that in maintaining and enhancing health, practitioners of modern treatments are not as capable as traditional
medicine
Use synonyms
 physicians
;
Punctuation problem
,
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this
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 essay firmly disagrees with
this
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 view, as mastering the methods of modern
medicine
Use synonyms
 requires effort, time, and intensive training. One key reason for
this
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 is that in the current time, the health care sector is well
organaized
Correct your spelling
organised
 with strict policies that require
certian
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certain
 abilities and
amount
Correct article usage
an amount
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 of
informatin
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information
 in order to
allowe
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allow
 individuals to practice
medicine
Use synonyms
, and that assists in hiring only the
specilaized
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specialised
 individuals compared to the
past
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past,
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 where anyone
allowed
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was allowed
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 to be a doctor.
For instance
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, Harvard Medical School conducted a survey that demonstrated
the
Correct article usage
that
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 medical errors have reduced by 70% thanks to the implementation of these policies. Another point to consider is that the advanced technology is
also
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 supporting the medical field to improve the
treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
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 practices with modern techniques
resulting
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, resulting
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 in
Correct article usage
the developing
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developing
Replace the word
development
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the
Change preposition
of the
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medicine
Use synonyms
 sector.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional
medicine
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 cannot cure a host of diseases
such
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 as cancer, as its treatment process requires several procedures that depend on modern techniques.
This
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highlight
Correct subject-verb agreement
highlights
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 the value of the recent accomplishments that have
done
Verb problem
been made
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 by modern doctors. In conclusion, despite people having different viewpoints, I tend to believe that the well-being of people and the variety of the advanced treatments for a lot of illnesses are
due to
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 the modern
Use synonyms
medicine
Check wording
medicine's
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deligent
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diligent
 effort in developing and
maintaing
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maintaining
 the health care sector.

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grammar
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar carefully. There are several spelling mistakes, which can affect clarity.
coherence
Some sentences are quite long and could be broken down for better readability. Try using shorter sentences.
task response
Include a brief summary of your main points in the conclusion. It helps strengthen your argument.
content
You provide clear reasons for your opinion, and your argument is logical.
content
You included relevant examples to support your view, making your essay more convincing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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