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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

*QUESTION* There is an increasing trend around the world to have a small family rather than a large family. *Do the advantages* of having a small family rather than a large family *outweighs* *the disadvantages ?*

It is commonly seen
taht
Correct your spelling
that
 there is
increasement
Check wording
an increase
show examples
 for having
nuclear
Correct article usage
a nuclear
show examples
 family rather than
extended
Correct article usage
an extended
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 family all
aorund
Correct your spelling
around
 the world. Despite certain drawbacks, I assert that benefits are still important. The advantages of
this
Linking Words
 do
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 associated with it. Admittedly, there are a number of disadvantages to having
nuclear
Correct article usage
a nuclear
show examples
 family.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 who
brought
Verb problem
is brought
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 up in
nuclear
Correct article usage
a nuclear
show examples
 family may feel
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
show examples
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.
In other words
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
child may experience
intimadation
Correct your spelling
intimidation
, as parents
focused
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 only
his
Change preposition
on his
show examples
 or her behaviour and future.
For example
Linking Words
, children
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
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who have
not
Rephrase
no
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 siblings may
have
Verb problem
apply
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lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interaction
, ability
Correct word choice
and, ability
show examples
 to share
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 may result in
stubborn
Correct article usage
a stubborn
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 and arrogant character for them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they are more likely to
be behaved
Wrong verb form
behave
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 carefully and
conservative
Replace the word
conservatively
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can deter children
to experience
Change preposition
from experiencing
show examples
 challenges and real-life situations in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
depite
Correct your spelling
despite
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 mentioned above, I believe some advantages should not be disregarded. One of the obvious
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 is that having
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 family members
is reducing
Wrong verb form
reduces
show examples
 costs .
For instance
Linking Words
, clothes and food products make up the majority of
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 budget
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
consistent
Correct article usage
a consistent
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 job or
bussines
Correct your spelling
business
 to cover all these expenses. Another advantage is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
spending less money in a nuclear family may enable individuals to invest money
for
Change preposition
in
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 travelling or saving. By a sharp comparison,
familes
Correct your spelling
families
 with
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 members can avoid
siblings
Fix the agreement mistake
sibling
show examples
 rivalry
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 creates
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 peaceful and supportive family ambience. Having emotional closeness with parents may help tackle some issues for children
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is another benefit.
To conclude
Linking Words
 ,
although
Linking Words
 I admit that having a small family is
Correct article usage
a
show examples
growing problem right now.I am of the opinion that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 are greater than the problems linked with it.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your main argument and gives an overview of both sides of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to help your points flow better and show clear connections between ideas.
task achievement
Try to include more examples that are specific and detailed to support your views.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic, stating that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
task achievement
Your points are relevant to the topic and show an understanding of the issues involved.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • advantage
  • disadvantage
  • financial stability
  • education
  • resources
  • opportunities
  • attention
  • time
  • relationships
  • emotional support
  • stress levels
  • responsibility
  • management
  • planning
  • decision making
  • organized
  • efficient
  • household
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