IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater ,is a waste of money . Government must the money in public services instead. To what extend do you agree with this situation?

There is no denying the fact that
art
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 plays a crucial role in our society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that money should be invested in other things
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as public services. In my opinion, I consider that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should spend more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
art
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 because it helps
people
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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several ways,
such
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 as
self development
Use the right word
self-development
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 and economic growth.
To begin
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 with,
art
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 helped many
people
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to
Verb problem
apply
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express themselves.
In other words
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, it allows
people
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 to be creative and learn more about themselves.
In addition
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from depression and anxiety,
art
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 is a way to step out of the bubble
,
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apply
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 and feel better. Plus,
school
Correct article usage
the school
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 system taught us that
art
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 is
eleactive
Correct your spelling
elective
 and not important, but it is the opposite. Because
art
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develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
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 both
brain
Check wording
apply
show examples
sides creatively and logically. Another point to consider
,
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is, art
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art
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 can boost the local economy. It is
also
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 possible to say that it is popular in my country
that
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for
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 a lot of
people
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open
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to open
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 an
art
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 shop or cafe.
Moreover
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, numerous
people
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 make a
full-income
Use the right word
full income
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 or
part-income
Replace the word
part-time income
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 by selling their
art
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 or by
making
Verb problem
teaching
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 courses. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that
art
Use synonyms
 is vital for us. In personal healing and
function the
Correct word order
the function
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society
Change preposition
of society
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion. Try to directly answer the question in your first paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea. This will help make your text clearer.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For example, mention specific art forms or programs that have helped communities.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and word choice carefully. Phrases like 'a several ways' should be 'several ways'.
task achievement
You clearly express your belief that art is important.
task achievement
You provide valid reasons for supporting art, such as personal development and economic growth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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