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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Due to a more sedentary lifestyle, children in developed nations have higher levels of obesity compared to previous generations. What problems does this cause and what are the possible solutions?

It is a widely held belief that
due to
Linking Words
 the inactive
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 in developed nations, unlike
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
show examples
 generation, children's level of
obesity
Use synonyms
 is much higher now.
This
Linking Words
 is caused
due to
Linking Words
 the entertainment options, which do not usually require physical activities;
therefore
Linking Words
, enhancing public parks and
workouts
Fix the agreement mistake
workout
show examples
 facilities can motivate them to adopt
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, kids spend a major time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 front of screens
eather
Correct your spelling
either
to watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 a movie,
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 video games or browsing social media applications.
Such
Linking Words
 involvement in
digital
Correct article usage
the digital
show examples
 world can make them set for a long period without noticing, resulting in serious health issues
such
Linking Words
 as
obesity
Use synonyms
, as their movements are limited.
For example
Linking Words
, Harvard Medical School published research that
emphasize
Verb problem
emphasises
show examples
 the importance of
practicing
Use the right word
practising
show examples
 physical activities which burn the extra fats that cause
obesity
Use synonyms
. In terms of the possible solutions that can tackle
this
Linking Words
 adverse trend, building public spaces that encourage children
in
Verb problem
to engage in
show examples
 engaging with more active
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 can be effective. To elaborate, constructing designated areas that attract them rather than entertaining
with
Correct pronoun usage
them with
show examples
 technology.
For instance
Linking Words
,
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Health
Oragnization
Correct your spelling
Organisation
 has stated that children should be incentivised to spend more time in parks, as it would positively impact their
overall
Linking Words
 health. In conclusion, there are many causes that lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 level of
obesity
Use synonyms
 in urban countries, but the most substantial factor was technology
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
hence
Linking Words
,
adderssing
Correct your spelling
addressing
 the situation requires
modifiy
Correct your spelling
modifying
 the current
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 with
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
 one by improving public spaces to include
workouts
Fix the agreement mistake
workout
show examples
 facilities.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points in both the introduction and conclusion. It helps the reader understand your position better.
coherence
Use linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence
Try to avoid minor spelling errors to enhance the quality of your writing. For instance, 'eather' should be 'either', and 'modifiy' should be 'modify'.
task achievement
You clearly identified the problem of children’s obesity due to a sedentary lifestyle, and provided relevant examples to support your points.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • developed nations
  • health conditions
  • diabetes
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • hypertension
  • psychological impact
  • self-esteem
  • depression
  • mental health issues
  • bullying
  • social isolation
  • academic performance
  • school absenteeism
  • healthcare systems
  • financial strain
  • medical treatments
  • interventions
  • physical activities
  • nutritional education
  • healthy eating habits
  • balanced diets
  • policy implementation
  • junk food advertising
  • nutritious food options
  • screen time
  • parental involvement
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