IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Whilst few think that charity
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 should help all over the world
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 emergency patients but
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
individual
Check wording
apply
show examples
say these companies should only offer services to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own nation. So,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
devloping
Correct your spelling
developing
countries
Use synonyms
 can get
assist
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 from
donation
Correct article usage
the donation
show examples
 industries. I believe that they should give
aid
Use synonyms
 to anyone and
countries
Use synonyms
 that are in need. On the one hand, charity
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 should give help to growing nations because they need initial funds for assisting the pupils. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 wealth
get
Verb problem
is
show examples
spended
Correct your spelling
spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
devloping
Correct your spelling
developing
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 in all sectors to give
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 new facilities.
In addition
Linking Words
,
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 own donating companies come first to give
aid
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have limited money which can only help
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 own country.
For example
Linking Words
, some poor
countries
Use synonyms
 can only support needy patients via charity
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
of
Change preposition
within
show examples
 their nation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, few say they should give
aid
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
 who are in great
need
Punctuation problem
need,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 it can be anyone and anyplace in the world. Sometimes, disasters happen
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in that
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 millions of
people
Use synonyms
 get affected. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 are
devloped
Correct your spelling
developed
 but for fast assistance, they need all big organisations to come together and help them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 a positive reaction from individuals
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can support them by giving donations.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Red
Correct article usage
the Red
show examples
 Cross is
US
Correct article usage
a US
show examples
 donation company which is one of the major
assistant
Fix the agreement mistake
assistants
show examples
 to the world and
send
Correct subject-verb agreement
sends
show examples
 there volunteers to save
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives. I believe that
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 should provide
aid
Use synonyms
 to both emergency patients and
unwealthy
Correct word choice
impoverished
show examples
 nations. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 affected
one's
Check wording
ones
show examples
 are
at the end
Linking Words
 of their life but helping them can save their important life. It will create a
name
Correct word choice
good name
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 good company among
people
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, these companies have to give support to growing nations
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are in
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
show examples
 stage. So
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that lives can be saved.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and support it with details. This helps improve logical structure.
task achievement
Use a clear introduction that states both sides and includes your opinion. This will help with task response.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Check spelling and grammar to enhance clarity. Simple mistakes can distract from your message.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument well, showing understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly summarizes your opinion, which is important for the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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