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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. What are the causes of this problem, and what measures can be taken to solve it?

More and more people think that children with health issues are facing serious problems in various regions , and I consider them to be more disadvantaged than advantaged. I completely agree with
this
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 LINKING WORDS
Usage
Correct article usage
The usage
show examples
 of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score. statement
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 I believe health and fitness play a role in supporting their families. First of all, physical and mental energy are key to maintaining a strong and healthy body for children. Activities
such
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 as jogging, swimming, and even brisk walking can significantly improve
overall
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 health. It is recommended to aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise on most days of the week to strengthen muscles and enhance energy levels. A study published in New York concluded that 90 per cent of children who followed the exercise their doctors recommended improved their lifestyles.
As a result
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, they felt energetic and creative in their jobs.
On the other hand
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, a nutritious diet fuels the body and keeps it energised. What I mean is that including fruits, vegetables, and lean protein in meals
,
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apply
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 and reducing processed food and sugar intake
,
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apply
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also
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 has a positive impact on well-being.
Furthermore
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, prioritising sleep is vital for physical recovery and mental clarity. A consistent sleep schedule can improve concentration, mood, and
overall
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 well-being.
For instance
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, my brother, who was obese, followed a healthy diet and improved his energy.
Therefore
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, his life became better, and his cognitive function improved. In conclusion, having various views, despite the challenges of maintaining a healthy lifestyle for kids, I believe wellness is not a destination but a way of life, and it starts with small, consistent steps.

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses the question about childhood obesity, mentioning its causes and solutions. You should focus more on the specific topic at hand.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraphs for each point. This helps the reader understand your ideas better, and improves overall flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples related to childhood obesity, as this helps support your points more effectively.
task achievement
You have mentioned the importance of physical activity and a healthy diet, which are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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