IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic: Scientists agree that many people eat too mucch junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others believe that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Many scientists agree that eating too much
junk
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food
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 is bad for
people
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’s
health
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. Some
people
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 believe that
this
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 problem can be solved by teaching
people
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 about healthy eating,
while
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 others think that
education
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 alone is not enough.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and give my opinion. On one side, some
people
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 think that
education
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 can help reduce
junk
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food
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 consumption. If
people
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 learn how
junk
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food
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 affects their
health
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, they may choose to eat better.
For example
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, schools can teach students about healthy diets, and
health
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 campaigns can show the dangers of eating too much fast
food
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. When
people
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 understand that
junk
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food
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 can cause problems like obesity, heart disease, or diabetes, they may try to eat more fruits, vegetables, and home-cooked meals. On the other side, many believe that
education
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 is not enough to solve
this
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 issue. Even if
people
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 know that
junk
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food
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 is unhealthy, they might still eat it because it is cheap, tasty, and easy to buy. Fast
food
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 restaurants are everywhere, and
junk
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food
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 is often advertised in ways that make it look very appealing. In
this
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 case, stronger actions may be needed,
such
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 as putting extra taxes on unhealthy
food
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, limiting
junk
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food
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 ads, or making healthy
food
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 more affordable. In my opinion,
while
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education
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 is important, it is not the only solution. Teaching
people
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 about
health
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 is a good start, but we
also
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 need other steps, like changing
food
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 prices and improving access to healthy choices.
This
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 way, it becomes easier for
people
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 to make better decisions about what they eat. In conclusion,
education
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 can help
people
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 understand the risks of eating too much
junk
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food
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, but it is not enough by itself. A mix of
education
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 and other actions is needed to help
people
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 stay healthy and reduce
junk
Use synonyms
food
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 consumption

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task achievement
Try to develop your main points with more depth. Adding more examples or details could strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. This helps with the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your opinion, which is a great start.
coherence and cohesion
You provide a clear structure with separate paragraphs for different viewpoints, making it easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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