IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that strick punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

When it comes to the issue of
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
, people hold a variety of opinions.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that strict
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 should be made to decrease
road
Use synonyms
accidents
Use synonyms
, others
think
Verb problem
hold
show examples
 the opposite view. I think the authority should take some proper steps to ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road
Use synonyms
safety
Use synonyms
 for
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
.
However
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, before reaching any conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will outline both views with relevant examples.
To begin
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 with, nowadays,
road
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safety
Use synonyms
 has become a common concern across all sectors of society.
In every
Change preposition
Every
show examples
 year, a lot of people die
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
road
Use synonyms
accidents
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; the drivers are often unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the traffic system.
For example
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,
i was
Verb problem
I
show examples
 witnessed an accident
last
Linking Words
 year and it
happended
Correct your spelling
happened
due to
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 the
neglegience
Correct your spelling
negligence
 of
driver
Correct article usage
the driver
show examples
. He was not only watching reels on his device but
also
Linking Words
 disobeying traffic rules.
As a result
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, a poor
people
Check wording
person was
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 injured and lost his legs
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was unbearable. In
this
Linking Words
 case, a hard
legislation
Check wording
law
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 should apply to minimise
this
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 unlawful act.
On the other hand
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, some others say
decreasing
Wrong verb form
that to decrease
show examples
accidents
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, we should give priority
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
road
Use synonyms
safety
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;
Punctuation problem
,
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 rather than
application
Correct article usage
the application
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 of
law
Correct article usage
the law
show examples
. They believe that if narrow roads
Verb problem
are repair
show examples
repair
Replace the word
repaired
show examples
, the number of
accidents
Use synonyms
 will reduce comparatively.
Besides
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, some roads are often devastated by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural
calamity
Check wording
disasters
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 should be constructed at first.
In addition
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,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 ought to be conscious about the maintenance of traffic signals.
For instance
Linking Words
,
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 of Japan
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are more aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their signals when they drive.
However
Linking Words
, these measures have a great impact on
Use synonyms
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
safety
Use synonyms
 issue.
To sum up
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,
although
Linking Words
 legislation should be compiled to avoid
devices
Check wording
accidents
show examples
 during
drive
Replace the word
driving
show examples
, other measures
also
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 have to
Verb problem
be
show examples
taken for the
safety
Use synonyms
 on
road
Use synonyms
. I personally believe that the Government should take proper steps
as well as
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 make
law
Correct article usage
a law
show examples
 to avoid any harmful
accidents
Use synonyms
 on the
road
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to be clearer. Make sure to state your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words like 'firstly', 'however', and 'in addition' to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Watch out for grammar and spelling mistakes; these can make your ideas harder to follow. For example, 'i' should be 'I' and 'negligence' is spelled incorrectly.
task achievement
Make your examples more relevant and detailed to support your points better. For instance, explain more about the accident you witnessed.
task achievement
You provide both sides of the argument, which is good for discussing the issue.
task achievement
Your personal opinion is clear at the end, which is important in this type of essay.
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