IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph and table illustrate the average temperatures per month and the average annual
hours
Use synonyms
 of
sunshine
Use synonyms
 in a year in three big cities, which are
London
Use synonyms
, New
York
Use synonyms
, and
Sydney
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, July records the highest temperatures,
while
Linking Words
 New
York
Use synonyms
 experiences the highest number of
sunshine
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
. In July, the
temperature
Use synonyms
 in New
York
Use synonyms
 reaches 30
degrees
Use synonyms
Celsius
Use synonyms
, making it the hottest month of the year,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
followed by
London
Use synonyms
 with just over 25
degrees
Use synonyms
Celsius
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same month,
Sydney
Use synonyms
 experiences the lowest
temperature
Use synonyms
 at just over 15
degrees
Use synonyms
Celsius
Use synonyms
. In January and December, New
York
Use synonyms
 and
London
Use synonyms
 record the lowest
temperature
Use synonyms
 (around 10 and around 5
degrees
Use synonyms
Celsius
Use synonyms
, respectively),
while
Linking Words
Sydney
Use synonyms
 records the highest
temperature
Use synonyms
 (around 25
degrees
Use synonyms
Celsius
Use synonyms
). Regarding the
sunshine
Use synonyms
 location, New
York
Use synonyms
 has 2,473
sunshine
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 in a year.
This
Linking Words
 was closely followed by
Sydney
Use synonyms
 at 2,473
hours
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
London
Use synonyms
 is the city with the least amount of
sunshine
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
, with only less than half that of New
York
Use synonyms
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
, at 1,180
hours
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, sunshine, london, york, sydney, temperature, degrees, celsius with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average
  • temperature
  • sunshine
  • monthly
  • annual
  • comparison
  • characteristics
  • detailed analysis
  • highest
  • lowest
  • examination
  • relationship
  • illustrate
  • patterns
  • rainfall
  • climate
  • considerable variation
  • significantly
  • notable
  • data representation
  • regional differences
  • yearly averages
What to do next:
Look at other essays: