IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater ,is it a waste of money . Government must the money in public services instead. To what extend do you agree with this situation?

Spending
money
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 on the arts,
such
Linking Words
 as songs
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and cinemas, is an unnecessary waste of
money
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.
On the contrary
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, the government should utilise currency in the public services. I strongly agree that the
authorities
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 must invest
money
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 in public services
due to
Linking Words
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
, so that people in the country will have a better life.
This
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 essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, if the
authorities
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 use a large amount of
money
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 only in music
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and theatre,
as a result
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, people will get only entertainment from
such
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 fields.
In addition
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, they will spend
money
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 on the unnecessary parts of their lives because they will get only temporary happiness and pleasure.
This
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 would not increase their living standards.
For example
Linking Words
, in Kenya, the public faced harsh conditions of public transportation, where the train conditions were very poor, and a poor time schedule for arrivals and departures.
On the other hand
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, if the government invest a large amount of
money
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 in public infrastructure
instead
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 of investing
money
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 in the arts,
this
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 would make life smoother and a better life in terms of transportation, roadways, etc.
As a consequence
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, there would not be any congestion in the public transport or damaged roads.
This
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 will make the country more strong in the infrastructure field, where lives of people would not face any issues and make it more convenient. In conclusion, the
authorities
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 must take wise decisions to invest in
such
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 a way
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that citizens of the country should not have the chance to knock on the door of the government.
This
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 will create a strong relationship between the
authorities
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 and the public.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main argument in the introduction. It helps the reader understand your point of view better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words to connect your ideas. This way, your essay will flow better and be easier to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Check your essay for grammatical errors and sentence structure. Clear and correct sentences are important for a good score.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion sums up the points well and reinforces your main argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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