IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the present world, investigations show that to become an expert in anything, it is essential to be born [U1] with inherent qualities; exposure to adventures is not sufficient. From my point of view [U2], I have an opposite opinion, which is that anyone can learn anything with enough exposure to relevant situations. On one hand, in
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 it is obvious that students are more inclined towards [U3] education if their family backgrounds coincide with that.
For instance
Linking Words
, children whose parents are doctors, engineers, or lawyers tend to perform well academically. Apart from that, kids whose families are enthusiastic about music perform well playing musical instruments during their primary school years.
Accordingly
Linking Words
, it is accepted that
qualities
Correct article usage
the qualities
show examples
 we are raised with have influence, from family background.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the community recognises the importance of academics and treats all students equally.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 the educational sector is very competitive, as the community is aware of the value of academics, and children are treated equally in schools.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is not only professionals who come from educated backgrounds but
also
Linking Words
 those from illiterate families.
Although
Linking Words
 those people faced many challenges [U5], they are trained to be encouraged, keen, tolerant, and hard-working during their journeys.
Further
Linking Words
, meeting good teachers, lecturers, and friends during their education can
also
Linking Words
 be
inspiration
Correct article usage
an inspiration
show examples
 for them to find better occupations.
Therefore
Linking Words
, regardless of personal background, anyone can be an expert in any profession with relevant
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
. In conclusion,
according to
Linking Words
 the above discussion,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 my
opinion
Punctuation problem
opinion,
show examples
 encouragement and commitment are the only matters for personal development,
although
Linking Words
 tiny inherent qualities play a role. [U6]

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a main idea that connects to your overall argument. This helps with clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. This makes your argument clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking ideas better. Using transition words can help your essay flow smoothly.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, which is important for the task.
task achievement
You provided some relevant examples from education, which helps to support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nature vs. nurture debate
  • genetic inheritance
  • personality traits
  • behavior patterns
  • heritability
  • twins studies
  • malleable characteristics
  • upbringing
  • environmental influences
  • critical periods
  • language acquisition
  • worldview
  • innate traits
  • personal experiences
  • psychological development
  • epigenetics
  • adaptive behaviors
  • cultural imprinting
  • temperament
  • social conditioning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: