IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 are really convinced that there are a lot of things which are more important than
art
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USE
Use synonyms
 SYNONYMS craftprofessionadroitnessaptitudeartistrycraftsmanshipdexterityexpertisefacilityimagination It is important to
use
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 synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and
use
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 the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you want to do the opposite for a high band score. , and they think that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should pay attention to them.
For instance
Linking Words
, improving hospitals and increasing salaries. I can agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view, because the interests of most part of
people
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 should be noticed. Let's discuss more about it.
For instance
Linking Words
, I want to apply to Naslow's pyramid. Spiritual needs exist on top of it.
Art
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 is included in
this
Linking Words
 category.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all
people
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 will be happy that
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 will spend money on
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
, only in the case of full satisfaction of other needs, which go earlier than spiritual. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the main thing that
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can do to involve
people
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 in the
art
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 industry is to totally support their basic needs. The next clear example of why I agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view is about
cultural
Correct article usage
the cultural
show examples
 level. If
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 makes conditions where
people
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 should work mostly for 10 hours and do hard work, like in factories, it will be difficult for them to feel normal and have time for developing about
art
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. Statistic of working
people
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 in Russia shows that they ( more than 60% work hard) just don't have enough time for life and rest.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is understandable
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 why
this
Linking Words
 part of
people
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 don't think about the importance of
art
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.
As they
Change preposition
They
show examples
 want the
government
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 to
use
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 money
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 their standard of living. In conclusion, I want to say that different opinions will always exist.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should
notice
Verb problem
take notice
show examples
 in
what situations
Check wording
which
show examples
people
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 live. And
finally
Linking Words
, it will help better understand needs and in what directions to better spend money.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports your argument. Try to use linking words to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Develop your examples more. Explain how they support your argument to make your points stronger.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument well.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your points nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socio-economic gap
  • impractical consumer behavior
  • overspending
  • accumulation of debt
  • materialism
  • superficial values
  • self-esteem
  • self-expression
  • psychological benefits
  • social benefits
  • quality of materials
  • craftsmanship
  • sustainable practices
What to do next:
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