IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think the best way to motivate and exchange people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Do you agree or disagree? Include relevant example.

There is a view that the best way to inspire and encourage individuals to hard-working is to pay them based on how many products they produce and sell .
While
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 some oppose
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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this
Linking Words
 notion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 argue in favour . On one hand, if they are rewarded to get a high salary , workers try to
work
Use synonyms
 extra time beyond their schedule .
For instance
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, when they
work
Use synonyms
 hard, they can bring a huge profit for their company or market .
As a result
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, they help to improve benefits in their job .
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can experience how to produce and sell the products . On the other hand, if they
work
Use synonyms
 hard, it could have a negative impact on their healthy lifestyle
due to
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 they want to
work
Use synonyms
 in the night shifts and which could lead to less sleep and
apply
Verb problem
apply
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affect
on
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apply
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their thought .
As a consequence
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 , they could make a lot of mistakes
apply
Verb problem
apply
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when they are working .
Therefore
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, hard
work
Use synonyms
 can not
benefit apply
Verb problem
improve
show examples
their health. In conclusion ,
although
Linking Words
 they can bring benefits for their company
as well as
Linking Words
 they can get a huge amount of money , it could negative impact on health.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the structure of your paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea with supporting sentences.
task achievement
Make sure that your examples directly support your main points. This will help in making your ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'for example' to connect your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and spelling mistakes. This will make your writing clearer and easier to read.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and you express it in your essay.
task achievement
You provide a relevant example of how workers can benefit from producing and selling more.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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