IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In an era of globalization, some people think that studying abroad is the best way to attain a well-paid job while others believe other options are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a widely held view that studying abroad is the best way to secure the future
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that well-paid jobs are more likely to be attained with a foreign
country
Use synonyms
's diploma.
However
Linking Words
, other opinions
also
Linking Words
 exist
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 find better options.  Moving to another
country
Use synonyms
 to study at the university is commonly thought to be beneficial for
Linking Words
further
Correct article usage
a further
show examples
 career. Many
people
Use synonyms
 all over the world believe that
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system in their region is not developed enough compared with other countries. Parents want a bright future for their children
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, let them go abroad to gain a better knowledge. In fact, applicants who have been studying abroad and graduated from international universities tend to get job offers more frequently than those who studied at the local educational institutions. Admittedly,
diploma
Correct article usage
a diploma
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a foreign
country
Use synonyms
 is a privilege
that is
Linking Words
 unlikely
be
Verb problem
to be
show examples
 surpassed by any other achievements in most cases. Especially, if the job provides
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary, international candidates will have
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 chance
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not many parents desire to support the idea of their children moving to a completely unknown place where nothing is familiar and no close
people
Use synonyms
 are around.
That is
Linking Words
 why they try to find some alternatives.
For instance
Linking Words
, applying
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 institution which has a branch in their area.
This
Linking Words
 means the diploma would be international too
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there is no need to go abroad. Many families are attracted to
this
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because it is convenient both for parents and their children. There are still more chances to get a high-paid position. All things considered,
although
Linking Words
 some individuals may not like the idea of moving to another
country
Use synonyms
 to study, I firmly believe that it benefits
people
Use synonyms
really
Rephrase
apply
show examples
well if they want to have a higher salary. Studying abroad is a key to the future with a well-paid job.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well-developed to support your argument.
task achievement
Use more specific examples or details to strengthen your points and make them easier to understand.
task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states both views and your opinion more explicitly.
task achievement
You have a clear understanding of the topic and present both views well.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are organized, making it easy to follow your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Exposure
  • Educational systems
  • Career opportunities
  • Cutting-edge technology
  • Soft skills
  • Adaptability
  • Communication
  • Cultural understanding
  • Multinational companies
  • Networking opportunities
  • International internships
  • Global work readiness
  • Cost-prohibitive
  • Local university programs
  • Practical work experience
  • Vocational training
  • Specialized certification programs
  • High-demand industries
  • Qualifications
  • Job markets
What to do next:
Look at other essays: