IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social respondsibilities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The statement that ' businesses are making
wage
Correct article usage
a wage
show examples
, and they do not need to have social responsibilities' is a simplification.
However
Linking Words
, earning cash is a crucial part of the survival and growth of businesses; it is not the only reason why
party
Fix the agreement mistake
parties
show examples
 and
organisations
Use synonyms
 grow.
team
Fix the agreement mistake
Teams
show examples
 and
organisations
Use synonyms
 can get bigger if they take responsibility for
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 and the surroundings. Personally, I agree to some extent
Firstly
Linking Words
, if
organisations
Use synonyms
 think only about the surroundings and community rather than earning
property
Check wording
profit
show examples
, it can cause crucial problems,
for example
Linking Words
. If small and medium
organisations
Use synonyms
 invest in the situation rather than in strengthening production,
moreover
Linking Words
, it is highly chance that
team
Correct article usage
the team
show examples
 can become bankrupt. That's why entrepreneurs should first think about capital.
Secondly
Linking Words
, aggregation that earn's large amount of
bill
Use synonyms
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. because they pay taxes
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
show examples
 part of
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 development
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, from that
bill
Use synonyms
 government builds schools, roads, medicine and universities. And it is essential for
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 to support small and medium companies
Thirdly
Linking Words
, some greedy businessmen don't care about the climate and
association
Check wording
the environment
show examples
 and focus on earning,
for example
Linking Words
, some entrepreneurs place many factors that generate pollution near the city,
furthermore
Linking Words
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has consequences for citizens' health.
To sum up
Linking Words
, on one hand we have county development on companies'
bill
Use synonyms
Linking Words
on
Punctuation problem
, on
show examples
 the other hand we have responsibility for
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and association. In my opinion,
association
Correct article usage
the association
show examples
 should be responsible for
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 , but
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is essential to earn
Use synonyms
bill
Correct article usage
a bill
show examples
 first because of the high risk of becoming bankrupt.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Use clear paragraphs for each idea, and make sure each paragraph has a main point.
task achievement
Make sure to support your ideas with clear examples that relate directly to your points.
coherence cohesion
Check your grammatical structures and spelling; this will improve clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You have identified important aspects of the discussion, such as the importance of earning money and social responsibilities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: