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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016. Number of patients to four clinics in one hospital

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016. Number of patients to four clinics in one hospital
The line graph illustrates the evolution of the
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
clients
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 that four clinics (
birth
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control
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,
eye
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, diabetic and dental) located in a hospital received
in
Change preposition
on
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 average between 2010 and 2016. The striking feature of the graph is the sharp growth
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
number
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 of
patients
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 attended in the
eye
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clinic
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.
While
Linking Words
 diabetic
services
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 gradually
rosed
Verb problem
risen
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, both
birth
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control
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 and dental
services
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 had some fluctuations over the 5-year
period
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 the
number
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 of
patients
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 in 2010 remained mostly unchanged
than in
Change preposition
from
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 2016. In 2010, the
clinic
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 that was receiving the highest
number
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 of
clients
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 was
birth
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control
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with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 almost 250
patients
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 per
week
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.
However
Linking Words
, even though
birth
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control
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 had some fluctuations over the
period
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, the
end point
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endpoint
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 was the same as the starting point (around 250
patiens
Correct your spelling
patients
). The same pattern
occured
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occurred
 with the dental
clinic
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, as it was attending 100
patiens
Correct your spelling
patients
 per
week
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 in 2010, and after some variations, the
number
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 of weekly customers going to
this
Linking Words
clinic
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 increased only by 10
patients
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 in 2016, reaching slightly below 110 weekly
clients
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. On the other side, both
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eye
Correct article usage
the eye
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control
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clinic
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 and
diabetic
Correct article usage
the diabetic
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clinic
Use synonyms
 experienced an upward trend. Regarding
eye
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control
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services
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, the
clinic
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 received
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average
around
Punctuation problem
, around
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 110
clients
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 per
week
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 in 2010. Afterwards, the
number
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 of
patients
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 rose gradually from 2010 to 2012, before increasing sharply
through out
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throughout
show examples
 the
period
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, reaching 350 customers in 2016.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
becoming
Wrong verb form
it has become
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 the most popular service in the hospital. Diabetic
services
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 increased as well
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 at a lower pace compared to
eye
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control
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. At the start of the
period
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,
diabetic
Correct article usage
the diabetic
show examples
clinic
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 received approximately 60
patients
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 per
week
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 after a
period
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 of
Use the right word
stabilisation
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stabilization
Add a comma
stabilization,
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 it soared to around 180
clients
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 per
week
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, clients, birth, control, eye, patients, clinic, services, period, week with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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