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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that the exploration of space justifies a large amount of government and private investment. Other people think that this field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority. Discuss both views and give your own viewpoint.

There have been controversial opinions about
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
. Some individuals assert that it is a good idea to allocate a huge budget to
this
Linking Words
 sphere,
whereas
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 others believe that
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 should not be considered a priority. Personally, I concur with the first view
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I will try to regard both perspectives as follows. Those who advocate the latter viewpoint think there are more important issues than
space
Use synonyms
, which should be taken into account.
Initially
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,
food
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 has become a worrying problem in some underdeveloped nations. It can be seen, there are a large number of individuals in these countries who are struggling with supplying
food
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, and their governments do not take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 to assist them.
For instance
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, India in recent years
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 invested a huge amount of funds in
space
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exploration
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,
while
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 its people are tackling
food
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 supply.
Furthermore
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,
although
Linking Words
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 advanced in some fields compared to the past, there are several children around the globe who do not have access to basic education. Proponents of
this
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 view think it is worth
Correct pronoun usage
it that
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that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 authorities
allocate
Verb problem
to allocate
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 a large amount of money to
this
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 sector to increase the rate of literacy in the world.
On the contrary
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, some individuals with a
forward looking
Use the right word
forward-looking
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 attitude find
space
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exploration
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 justifiable on account of existing speculations.
Firstly
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, it is obvious that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 depleted a large proportion of natural resources until now. It is
also
Linking Words
 projected that the globe will have lost almost all resources by the next forty years.
As a result
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, it is reasonable that scientists are seeking life
in
Change preposition
on
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 another planet to save people’s lives in the future.
Moreover
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, scientists have found clues associated with the presence of
alient
Correct your spelling
alien
 creatures.
According to
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 their findings, they have more intelligence than humans, so finding and
communication
Replace the word
communicating
show examples
 with them would be a feat for people to take advantage of their knowledge. In conclusion,
although
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 some priorities
providing
Verb problem
are providing
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 education and
food
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 for people in poor nations, I think it is a better idea to spend money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
space
Use synonyms
exploration
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due to
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 the fact that we will encounter resource depletion in the future, and there might be some alien creatures who would be beneficial for us.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your thesis statement. Make sure to outline your main points.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points about resources and education, making your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure better transitions between sections. Words like 'firstly', 'furthermore', and 'moreover' can help, but make sure they clearly link your ideas.
task achievement
You present both views clearly, which shows understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your viewpoint well and connects back to the main argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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