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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, the average body weight is increasing, health and fitness levels are decreasing, what are the causes for this problem and what measeure can be taken to prevent this ?

Increasing body weight and reduced fitness activities are becoming a problem in some places right now. A notable number of reasons are known to be the cause of
this
Linking Words
, like over-eating, lack of exercise, and
people
Use synonyms
 being drawn to sedentary lifestyles.
However
Linking Words
, a handful of measures can
also
Linking Words
 be taken to prevent these issues. It is undeniable that citizens in some countries are being oblivious
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their health. They tend to
oversee
Verb problem
overlook
show examples
 the problems they put themselves into
due to
Linking Words
 their unhealthy eating habits and reduced levels of activity. An example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is the increased demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fast foods like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 hamburgers, pizzas, and fries,
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 consume daily.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 overconsumption of these foods,
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming lazy to perform their daily activities or
to even
Correct word order
even to
show examples
 take a walk in the park to burn some
fats
Fix the agreement mistake
fat
show examples
. American citizens gained so much weight than expected
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because of
this
Linking Words
 reason.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 issue might seem impossible to solve, reinforcement of good eating habits and promotion of regular exercise can be of help to prevent
this
Linking Words
. Just like some Asian countries, the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 and other
organizations
Use the right word
organisations
show examples
 create activities that
interests
Correct subject-verb agreement
interest
show examples
 individuals to stay healthy. To name some of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
, fun runs, marathons, and nutrition month celebration events
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are held to entice
people
Use synonyms
in reforming
Change preposition
to reform
show examples
 their lifestyle to a
health conscious
Use the right word
health-conscious
show examples
 one.
Overall
Linking Words
, changing
ones
Check wording
one's
show examples
 lifestyle to a much healthier one is not an easy thing to do. It needs
self control
Use the right word
self-control
show examples
, consistency, and willingness to be a success story. Despite the influence of others, it still boils down to the person's proactivity to participate. With
this
Linking Words
 being said, words are not enough to encourage a healthy life
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
rather
Punctuation problem
rather,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can only be used as a tool to make someone reflect on their unhealthy ways.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state the causes and the measures you will discuss. Try to briefly mention both parts in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your ideas. Use linking words more consistently between sentences and paragraphs to help the reader follow your points better.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points, especially about measures that can be taken to encourage healthy eating and exercise.
task achievement
You have identified clear causes of the problem like over-eating and lack of exercise.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the need for personal responsibility in health.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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