IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do you think the benefits outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
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 inexorable developing era , some major urban
areas
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 are transforming open
areas
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 like public parks and open spaces into home-grown vegetables and fruits. From my perspective , the negative influences of
this
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 method are more glaring On the one hand , converting parks into private
gardens
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 offers numerous advantages.
Firstly
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 ,
this
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 can significantly benefit human health. In
this
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 day and age, a host of farmers are inclined to spray pesticides on
products
Correct pronoun usage
their products
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 to prolong their shelf life.
Although
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this
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 increases efficiency and profits for them, it has an adverse
bearing
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effect
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 on individuals’ health. By owning a private garden, owners could easily get access to fresh and organic food , which fosters healthy daily routines.
Secondly
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, urban
gardens
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 contribute to a greener environment by reducing air pollution, substandard products and increasing vegetation
On the other hand
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, I am of the opinion that replacing social
areas
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 with home-grown fruits and vegetables has detrimental consequences . One primary concern is the loss of recreational spaces, which are essential for outdoor activities.
Additionally
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, maintaining
gardens
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 requires a plethora of efforts and experiences
,
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.
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 If these are maintained without objectives , it will diminish the appeal of the city’s aesthetics In conclusion ,
although
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 converting public
areas
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 into
gardens
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 brings valuable benefits , its disadvantages are undeniable. I believe that the government should implement measures in urban planning in order to satisfy
overall
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 demands

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially in the second paragraph.
coherence
Use clearer connecting words to link your ideas and improve flow.
task achievement
Make sure to explain your ideas clearly and in more detail.
task achievement
You presented a clear viewpoint on the topic.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urban Agriculture
  • Community Engagement
  • Social Interaction
  • Physical Exercise
  • Mental Relaxation
  • Fresh Produce
  • Sustainability
  • Biodiversity
  • Carbon Footprint
  • Air Quality
  • Educational Opportunities
  • Horticulture
  • Teamwork
  • Sustainable Living
  • Food Security
  • Locally-grown
  • Nutritious
  • Neighborhood Bonds
  • Urban Sustainability
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