IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Around the world, traffic accidents cause many serious injuries every day. Due to this, some people believe stricter laws are necessary to improve the road safety. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The number of Motor vehicle accidents is dramatically rising and resulting in various damage and loss in human lives and valuable assets. I totally agree with the point of view that indicates solid laws related to risky actions that might lead to
traffic
Use synonyms
incidents
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 shall be published and endorsed by the concerned entities. On the one hand, establishing strict roles including banning smartphone usage
while
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 driving and operating cars by kids who are under the legal age of driving ,
along with
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 punishing
violators
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 with severe fines and
jail-time
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jail time
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, will heavily
participate
Verb problem
contribute
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in
Change preposition
to
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 reducing motor vehicle
incidents
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 and elevating the car users' knowledge toward road safety.
Moreover
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, these roles should consist of
acorrective
Correct your spelling
a corrective
 action side by ensuring all
violators
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 shall spend a dedicated time in serving the
communities
Punctuation problem
communities,
show examples
 as
this
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 step will enrich their minds in regard to
traffic
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 accident risk. Based on
this
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 build, a global study aim to measure the impact of corrective actions on the
violators
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 shows that all subject drivers maintain a clean record of fines and
traffic
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incidents
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 after completeing the community serveing program
as well as
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 they have positivlly impacted the other drivers in the near by areas by being a role model in
this
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 matter. All in all, I clearly second the idea of issuing
sold
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solid
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 roles and laws in order to reduce the risks of
traffic
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 threats and protect the people. Plus, corrective actions shall be addressed to all
violators
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 to ensure safety and build a
calture
Correct your spelling
culture
 of awareness regarding the
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incidents
Fix the agreement mistake
incident
show examples
 risks and how to avoid and protect
your self
Use the right word
yourself
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well but could be clearer about your main argument. Consider rephrasing it for more impact.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs have clear main ideas and provide strong supporting points. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea to improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, reiterate your main points in a more straightforward way to reinforce your argument. This will help in summarizing your thoughts effectively.
coherence and cohesion
There are some spelling mistakes and grammatical issues, such as 'aim' instead of 'aims', 'solid roles' not being clear and 'calture' instead of 'culture'. Proofreading your work can help eliminate these errors.
task achievement
You demonstrate a strong point of view and a clear agreement with the need for stricter laws. This is a good approach to answering the prompt.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the community service program, adds depth to your argument, making it more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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