IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

It is argued that many
people
Use synonyms
 are facing
overwright
Correct your spelling
overweight
 problems
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
because of consuming too much
junck
Correct your spelling
junk
food
Use synonyms
, which requires governments to
levy
Verb problem
enact
show examples
 a law to charge a higher tax on fast
food
Use synonyms
 companies.
This
Linking Words
 essay
is disagree
Wrong verb form
disagrees
show examples
 with the idea of
seeing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
taxes on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 as the only solution to the problem. By lowering the
price
Use synonyms
 of healthier
food
Use synonyms
 in supermarkets or encouraging
people
Use synonyms
 to do more
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
, it can
make
Verb problem
help
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have higher awareness
to stay
Change preposition
of staying
show examples
 healthy
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
.
Correct word choice
own.
show examples
 One of the reason that some
people
Use synonyms
 thinks increasing
tax
Correct article usage
the tax
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 supplies can reduce the desire of
people
Use synonyms
 to buy is
because
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that they think a higher
price
Use synonyms
 of goods may decrease
hauman's
Check wording
humans'
show examples
 desire
of purchasing
Change preposition
to purchase
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, it might not be one hundred
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 correct
due to
Linking Words
 the
food
Use synonyms
 habits of addiction. Once someone is hooked into having
junck
Correct your spelling
junk
food
Use synonyms
 for each meal, it can be hard to tell them not to continue
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
 it.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the higher cost of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 may only raise the budget burden
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 not
tackling
Wrong verb form
tackle
show examples
 the real issue.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can limit the
raising
Use the right word
rising
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 of healthy
food
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 will tend to buy
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
natually
Correct your spelling
naturally
.
For example
Linking Words
, if vegetables and fruit can show a more affordable
price
Use synonyms
 at markets,
then
Linking Words
 not only
people
Use synonyms
 who
cares
Correct subject-verb agreement
care
show examples
 about fitness would buy it but
also
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who resist
to buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 expensive
food
Use synonyms
 may want to purchase it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if governments can encourage residents to stay healthy by
intriducing
Correct your spelling
introducing
 more sports activities to communities,
people
Use synonyms
 may influence each other to
have
Verb problem
raise
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
. In conclusion, to tackle the real issue of
people
Use synonyms
Verb problem
being overweighted
show examples
overweighted
Replace the word
overweight
show examples
, governments should start form advising them to buy more
fresh
Punctuation problem
fresh,
show examples
 healthy
food
Use synonyms
 and to do more exercise.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main argument in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear and logical connections between ideas in your paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Check for spelling mistakes and grammar errors, as they can distract from your message.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You attempted to use examples to support your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
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