IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

People
Use synonyms
 have a myriad of views about whether or not all
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
vilolated
Correct your spelling
violated
 the laws should be sent to jail.
Although
Linking Words
 there are advantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 sending
people
Use synonyms
 to
prison
Use synonyms
, I personally believe that some
lawbreakers
Use synonyms
 should be punished by better alternatives. There are
without
Punctuation problem
, without
show examples
 a doubt
reasons
Punctuation problem
, reasons
show examples
 why
lawbreakers
Use synonyms
 should be sent to
prison
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. Probably the most significant one is that
people
Use synonyms
 who have committed crimes may continue to harm other
people
Use synonyms
 if they are not sent to
prison
Use synonyms
, so isolating them from the public is to ensure safety. Imprisonment means the loss of freedom, which servers as a form of punishments and conveys the message to the public that
people
Use synonyms
 who commit crimes will have to bear responsibility. Another point to note is that prisoners will undergo rehabilitation, where they will receive education
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 specific practical skills and vocational training, equipping them with essential life skills so that they can reintegrate into society more easily when they are released. It
also
Linking Words
 reduces the opportunity for them to commit crimes again in the
future
Punctuation problem
future,
show examples
 as rehabilitation can likely make them become better citizens.
However
Linking Words
, there are better alternatives than sending all
lawbreakers
Use synonyms
 to
prison
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. Since prisons have a criminal record, it will be insurmountably difficult for them to find a job like ordinary
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 implies that they may not be able to support themselves financially
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some of them may resort to committing
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
 again.
People
Use synonyms
 who commit minor offences for the first time should be given an opportunity to reflect upon their mistakes and community service, like cleaning the streets,
instead
Linking Words
 of being sent to
prison
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 avoids the chance of
prison
Use synonyms
 overcrowding and reduces the social
cause
Check wording
cost
show examples
 of imprisonment. It provides criminals with an opportunity to reform and contribute to society, which could
also
Linking Words
 serve the purpose of rehabilitation and encourage them to become better citizens in the future. Under
this
Linking Words
 line of thinking,
while
Linking Words
 there are valid reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 sending
lawbreakers
Use synonyms
 to
prison
Use synonyms
, I personally believe that
people
Use synonyms
 who commit minor offences, especially for the first time, should be punished by better alternatives like community service.

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Task Achievement
Expand your main points by giving more examples or details. For instance, explain more about the types of community service that could be used as alternatives to prison.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words to connect your sentences better. Words like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'for example' can help the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Try to be more specific in your introduction. Clearly state your opinion and summarize the main points you will discuss.
Task Achievement
You provide a clear opinion on the topic, showing good understanding of both sides of the argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs for different points, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lawbreakers
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • community service
  • recidivism
  • incarceration
  • public safety
  • cost-effectiveness
  • infraction
  • reintegration
  • punitive measures
  • reoffending
  • stigmatization
  • educational programs
  • counseling programs
  • alternative approaches
  • societal benefits
  • burden on taxpayers
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