IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is best to live in a horizontal city while others think of a vertical city. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

People
Use synonyms
 have different views about whether or not it is more beneficial to live in a garden city.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some advantages to inhabitation in these areas, I would think that it is better to dwell in vertical cities. There are some good arguments for living in individual houses. First of all, these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of houses
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are mostly less than two
strays
Use the right word
stories
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, contain
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 stairs. It means that
people
Use synonyms
 who live there are less likely to have to climb countless stairs in case of a lift breakdown.
This
Linking Words
 advantage
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to more
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
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, especially for
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 population.
Secondly
Linking Words
, horizontal areas
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a lower concentration of buildings and
people
Use synonyms
 per unit, so there would be less noise pollution produced from dwellers.
As a result
Linking Words
, living there might be more suitable for most individuals. Despite the above arguments, I believe that towering cities provide a decent life for many
people
Use synonyms
. The key reason associated with
this
Linking Words
 view is that since skyscrapers enable
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large number of families to live in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same building, citizens can be in
vicinity
Correct article usage
the vicinity
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 of their parents and friends.
As a result
Linking Words
, they would be able to take care of elderly parents
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 or rely on friends as
baby sitters
Use the right word
babysitters
show examples
. The second reason is that vertical megacities usually offer reasonable property costs, because there are more houses constructed in an area. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 living in
gardens
Fix the agreement mistake
garden
show examples
 cities offers many benefits, it seems to me that
people
Use synonyms
 can have a convenient and decent life in dense buildings.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with details.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, as they enhance your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to include a stronger conclusion that sums up your opinion and the main points discussed.
positive
Good organization of ideas with a clear opinion stated in the introduction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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