IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some argue that family
holds
Verb problem
is
show examples
 an important factor
to introduce
Change preposition
in introducing
show examples
children
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 how to act in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
while
Linking Words
 some think that school plays a more important role. In my opinion, good parenting
presents
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the most significant factor since parents are the
firsthand
Correct word choice
first
show examples
educator
Fix the agreement mistake
educators
show examples
 of a child. Parents
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a critical factor in raising a child as they are the ones who witness how the
children
Use synonyms
 grow up firsthand. It becomes critical because in the early
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are known to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quick learners who easily imitate particular behaviour and traits coming from their parents.
For instance
Linking Words
, married couples who have a bad temper and often use inappropriate words tend to teach
such
Linking Words
a thing
Check wording
behaviour
show examples
 to their offspring. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time goes by,
children
Use synonyms
 are raised to be arrogant individuals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, school
also
Linking Words
 introduces social skills in a real-life setting.
This
Linking Words
 way,
students
Use synonyms
 can learn how to bring themselves out there by interacting with their friends who come from various backgrounds. Though teachers often enforce moral lessons on their
students
Use synonyms
, there are some cases when adolescents often turn out to be more rebellious and influence their peers to do the same.
For instance
Linking Words
, even though school may have set a strict rule about smoking, male
students
Use synonyms
 are often pressured to smoke so as to be accepted as a member of a particular clique.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 teachers have started to discipline
students
Use synonyms
 in class, family is the most effective source to teach how to be a good member of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure each point is supported by clear examples and explanations that are easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'in addition'.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-structured, with a clear main idea in each paragraph.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument clearly.
task achievement
Your opinion is clear in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: