Many people nowadays spend a large part of their free time using a smart phone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Advanced technology and smart gadgets are widely used by many
people
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in their leisure
time
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,
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this is
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apply
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because of the addiction to social websites to communicate and shop. I believe
this
Linking Words
is a negative development because it affects eyesight and
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
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retardation of a human being.
To begin
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,
people
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are spending most of their
hour
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hours
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on their mobile phones because addiction to social media and online shopping.
A
Change preposition
With a
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facility of easily available applications for feasible communication and interaction,
people
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unconsciously spend hours in front of a phone screen.
For instance
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, mobile applications
such
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as
,
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apply
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WhatsApp and Instagram have become a necessity to be connected around the globe.
Therefore
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,
people
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spend most of their
time
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on it.
Moreover
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, nowadays
people
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prefer online shopping via mobile phone rather than a physical
one
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store
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. For the selection of clothes, fashion trends , and huge discounts on
such
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shopping applications attract
people
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to use
more
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them more
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without
Rephrase
frequently without
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time
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limits.
This
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trend negatively
impact
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impacts
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human life because long exposure to the phone screen causes eye damage.
For instance
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,
according to
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the WHO, sitting in front of mobile phones for long hours causes damage to
retina
Correct article usage
the retina
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in the eyes, which leads to permanent
eyesight
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eye
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defects.
In addition
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, the high use of smart gadgets wastes precious
hour
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hours
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of an individual.
This
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means, if youngsters spend most of their
time
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on phones rather than studying and developing a career, indeed they lose
most
Correct article usage
the most
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productive
moment
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moments
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to be successful in life.
Thus
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, spending leisure
time
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using smartphones causes growth retaredation and health crisis, which
adversly affcet
Correct your spelling
adversely affect
an individual's life. In conclusion,
highly
Replace the word
the high
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usage of
such
Linking Words
websites for e-shopping and connectivity ,
people
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spend most of their free
time
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on smartphones, I think
this
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negatively
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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people
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's health and career development.

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task response
Your introduction states the main idea, but it could be clearer. Try to express your views more directly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Use linking words to improve flow.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points, helping readers understand your arguments better.
task response
You clearly state that you think excessive smartphone use is negative, which is a good starting point for your argument.
task response
You make relevant points about health and productivity, which are important issues related to smartphone use.
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