IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

In recent years, life expectancy has increased in many countries, resulting in a larger elderly population.
While
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 some believe
this
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 creates challenges for
society
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 and governments, I personally agree that older
people
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 bring more benefits than problems, especially
due to
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 their valuable experience and wisdom. On the one hand, elderly individuals possess a lifetime of experience that can greatly benefit younger generations and
society
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 as a whole. Many of them have worked in various fields and faced different challenges, which has helped them develop practical knowledge and decision-making skills. By sharing their stories, lessons, and advice, they can guide young
people
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 in their personal and professional lives.
For example
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, retired professionals can mentor students or junior workers, helping them avoid common mistakes and become more effective in their careers.
On the other hand
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, some argue that a growing elderly population puts pressure on governments, especially in terms of providing healthcare and social services. It is true that older
people
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 often require residential care or nursing homes, which are expensive to maintain.
In addition
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, some of their knowledge and skills may not match the needs of modern
society
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, especially in areas like technology or digital communication.
However
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,
this
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 challenge can be managed through better planning and by encouraging lifelong learning for all age groups. In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that an ageing population causes difficulties for governments, I believe that the benefits of learning from the older generation are far more valuable. Their wisdom and experience can play a key role in shaping the future of younger individuals and
society
Use synonyms
 as a whole.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Try to present more examples or facts to back up your points. This will add strength to your arguments.
task achievement
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your views and restates your main argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a good logical structure with clear paragraphs that separate different ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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