IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

In recent decades, advancements in
healthcare
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, nutrition, and living standards have led to
people
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 living longer than ever before.
As a result
Linking Words
, many countries are experiencing a significant increase in the elderly
population
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.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that
this
Linking Words
 trend creates challenges for
governments
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, others believe that there are considerable benefits to having more older
people
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 in society.
Aging
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An ageing
show examples
population
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 can present several difficulties for
governments
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. One of the most pressing concerns is the financial strain on public
healthcare
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 systems and pension schemes. Older individuals generally require more medical attention, leading to higher
healthcare
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 costs.
In addition
Linking Words
, many countries offer state-funded
retirement
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 benefits, and the growing number of retirees increases the burden on national budgets.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with fewer young
people
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 entering the workforce, there may be a shortage of
labor
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labour
show examples
, which can negatively affect economic growth and productivity.
Governments
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 may need to increase taxes or cut public spending in other areas to accommodate these rising costs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are notable advantages to an
aging
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ageing
show examples
population
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. Elderly
people
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 often bring a wealth of experience, knowledge, and wisdom that can be shared with younger generations. Many retirees contribute to society through volunteer work, caregiving, or mentoring.
Moreover
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, the demand for services tailored to older adults,
such
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 as
healthcare
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, leisure, and assisted living, can stimulate economic growth and create job opportunities.
Additionally
Linking Words
, with changing attitudes toward
retirement
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, many older individuals continue to work beyond the traditional
retirement
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 age, helping to reduce the economic impact of an
aging
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ageing
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population
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. In conclusion,
while
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 an
aging
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ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 does pose challenges for
governments
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 in terms of
healthcare
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 and pensions, it
also
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 presents opportunities for economic and social contributions. With appropriate planning and policy adjustments,
such
Linking Words
 as encouraging active
aging
Use the right word
ageing
show examples
 and reforming
retirement
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 systems, societies can benefit from the presence of a larger elderly
population
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph is clear and focused on one main idea. This will help your message come across more strongly.
task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the two views of aging population.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of the essay is logical, with a clear structure and flow from one idea to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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