IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to go to gym and clubs for health care but others say walking and jumping stairs are more effective. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is argued that going to
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 and fitness centres is better for
one
Use synonyms
's health,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that being more active by walking is the best way.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the second view and will display that gyms
costs
Correct subject-verb agreement
cost
show examples
 more
time
Use synonyms
 and money,
whereas
Linking Words
 being active is more effective since it can be a lifestyle. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, working out at a
gym
Use synonyms
 or a fitness club is not exactly the most
financial
Replace the word
financially
show examples
effective option.
People
Use synonyms
 will have to pay a monthly subscription
fees
Fix the agreement mistake
fee
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 relatively expensive. Going to
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis requires the person to be always motivated
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
and most
people
Use synonyms
 will not have
this
Linking Words
 motivation
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
, as they might be tired after
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 day of
work
Use synonyms
 or just not in the mood to
work
Use synonyms
 out.
Individulas
Correct your spelling
Individuals
also
Linking Words
 must allocate
one
Use synonyms
 hour or more of spare
time
Use synonyms
 to
exercies
Correct your spelling
exercise
 daily. Working mothers
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, will not be able to find
such
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
Use synonyms
 in a day full of
work
Use synonyms
 and family
responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
, so they would rather spend that
time
Use synonyms
 with their children.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who try to be more active as a lifestyle are healthier and more willing to stay physically active
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
for many years.
This
Linking Words
 is easy to follow because a person can make daily and simple choices to move more
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 using stairs rather than
lefts
Check wording
elevators
show examples
 and walking to
work
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of taking a car.
Moreover
Linking Words
, family members can go for a walk together and use
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 to bond and share
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
time
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study found that the secret of
people
Use synonyms
 who lived for a 100
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 in countries like Italy or Japan is that they have never stopped moving and walking even when they get older. In conclusion, the best way to take care of
one
Use synonyms
's health is not achieved by going to
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 only since it costs a lot of money and requires free
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, following a
haelthier
Correct your spelling
healthier
 and more active lifestyle is better as it is easier to
mentain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 and can be done as a family activity.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It helps to guide your reader.
coherence
Try to use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to improve the flow of your ideas.
coherence
Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more clearly. This will help your essay feel more cohesive.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your opinions, which is great!
task achievement
Your essay mentions important points about cost and convenience, which shows good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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