IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that young people should be required to do unpaid work to help their local community. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In these days, adolescent are morally obliged to
help
Verb problem
apply
show examples
take
unpaid
Change preposition
on unpaid
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 to
upscale
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 their local social environment. To some extent, unpaid work
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
usually
be happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 at the start of
one
Use synonyms
's career. The positive feedback of taking
one
Use synonyms
 of
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 newly-trended chores, really all over drawn over the drawbacks, especially when reflecting
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 career path an individual could
takes
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
.
An unpaid
Correct determiner usage
Unpaid
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 will
gives
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 honest and
clarity
Replace the word
clear
show examples
 insights on what
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a workspace environment
looked
Wrong verb form
would look
show examples
 like.
This
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 newly grown-ups to hone new skills and meet
varieties
Fix the agreement mistake
a variety
show examples
 of person,
thus
Linking Words
 enhancing their networks, both from professional and
also
Linking Words
 local community-oriented alike. From the professional perspective,
employer
Correct article usage
an employer
show examples
 will
more
Verb problem
be more
show examples
 likely to hire
employee
Correct article usage
an employee
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 abundance
track
Change preposition
of track
show examples
 records of working experience
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the unpaid internship will
also
Linking Words
 be strongly considered. Data from local municipalities
shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that 76% students with internship experiences ranging from
one
Use synonyms
 semester--
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 being an unpaid
one
Use synonyms
--contribute to less waiting months to be hired after graduation.
Such
Linking Words
 activities can be done by student in their post-school hours,
thus
Linking Words
 enriching
Use synonyms
one's
Check wording
their
show examples
 education
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
 examining
theoritics
Correct your spelling
theories
 on class and real study
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
 on
'
Correct article usage
the 'real-word'
show examples
real-word
Use the right word
real world
show examples
'. To be frank, these advantages
also
Linking Words
 come with several risks. A selection of young
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 can experience
burn out
Use the right word
burnout
show examples
 not only in finding the right unpaid work, but
also
Linking Words
. Some unpaid work, if not chosen selectively, will
also
Linking Words
 contribute to a dip in
one
Use synonyms
's mental and physical health
stature
Check wording
apply
show examples
and grades (if
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 person is currently still studying in college or junior high)
due to
Linking Words
 imbalance within the task given.
Hence
Linking Words
, it's important to get
clear
Correct article usage
a clear
show examples
 understanding and clarity of the
job
Use synonyms
's roles and responsibilities before selecting a
job
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is strongly encouraged for adolescents to take some additional unpaid working experiences. The struggles and
also
Linking Words
 risks
attributed
Verb problem
associated
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the can be strongly alleviated using the help of
mentor
Correct article usage
a mentor
show examples
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in finding the right
job
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. Use simpler sentences and phrases.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitional words to connect ideas and make your essay flow better. This helps the reader to follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Try to give more clear examples that directly support your points. This will make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You provide a good attempt to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Your essay shows understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • young people
  • unpaid work
  • community
  • experience
  • skills
  • teamwork
  • responsibility
  • charities
  • organizations
  • education
  • jobs
  • interest
  • ability
  • resentment
  • belonging
  • connection
  • help
  • struggle
  • positive
  • negative
What to do next:
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