IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today more and more tourist are visiting places where conditions difficult such as sahara deseret or the antartic .what are the benefits and disadvantages for tourist who visit such places?

Extreme
places
Use synonyms
 have become more popular
for
Change preposition
among
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 many visitors.
While
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 going to
Correct article usage
the sahara
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sahara
Fix capitalization
Sahara Desert
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desert
Use synonyms
 or the
Use synonyms
antartic
Correct your spelling
Antarctic
 provides a unique
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
, it can
also
Linking Words
 lead to some disadvantages.
This
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 essay will explore both of the views. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that exploring
places
Use synonyms
 with extreme conditions may unlock a unique adventure experience once in a lifetime.
That is
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 because not everyone can easily visit the
places
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 in question
easily
Rephrase
apply
show examples
since the locations are very far and tourists need a special guide to get there.
For example
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, to reach the
desert
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 need to spend a very long
hours
Check wording
time
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of
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on
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trip
Correct article usage
the trip
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 and even continue the journey
with
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by
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 helicopter.
Moreover
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, they
also
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 need trained guides to teach them how to keep up with the hot weather in
Use synonyms
desert
Correct article usage
the desert
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 or very cold
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 in the
Use synonyms
antartic
Correct your spelling
Antarctic
. For
people
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enjoying
Wrong verb form
who enjoy
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 adventures, these experiences are exceptionally valuable. Despite the benefits, there are actually some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
apply
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obsessing to
Correct word order
to obsessing
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go
Wrong verb form
over going
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 to these hard-to-reach
places
Use synonyms
. The
sahara
Fix capitalization
Sahara Desert
show examples
desert
Use synonyms
 and the
Use synonyms
antartic
Correct your spelling
Antarctic
 can be very dangerous to
be visited
Wrong verb form
visit
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, especially for
people
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 with poor health conditions
because
Punctuation problem
, because
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 they may not be able to cope with the unsuitable weather there.
Furthermore
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, an excessive
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
people
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 coming there will eventually
impact
Verb problem
lead
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 to environmental damage. Consider the use of transport to go to the
Use synonyms
antartic
Correct your spelling
Antarctic
, the pollution
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 bring to the place will later cause the
ices
Fix the agreement mistake
ice
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melt
Verb problem
to melt
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 faster and
harsh
Use the right word
harm
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 the ecosystem. Visiting difficult touristy
places
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offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
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 a highly rare adventure which not everyone can experience
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
However
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should
take
Verb problem
raise
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an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness that these
places
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 are dangerous enough, especially to
people
Use synonyms
 who are not in their prime health
conditions
Check wording
apply
show examples
, and might harm the environment.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or details to support your points. For instance, state some specific dangers or environmental effects caused by tourism in these areas.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly discusses one main idea for better flow. You could have separate paragraphs for the benefits and drawbacks to make it clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Work on your sentence structure. Some sentences could be simpler and clearer, which can help with readability.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by acknowledging both the benefits and the drawbacks of visiting extreme places.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction gives a clear overview of what your essay will discuss, setting a good stage for the following content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adventure tourism
  • ecosystem
  • endurance
  • logistical
  • biodiversity
  • sustainable
  • remote
  • extreme conditions
  • cultural heritage
  • off the beaten path
What to do next:
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