IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, taking
risks
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 is important for professional lives and personal lives of
people
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 has become a broad
issue
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 to the general public. Some
people
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 believe
this
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 idea has many advantages.
However
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, others think it could have some negative effects. In my opinion, its cons never overshadow its pros. Discussed below are several benefits
as well as
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 drawbacks of
this
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issue
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. First and foremost,
people
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 should
recognize
Use the right word
recognise
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 that there are many advantages
of
Change preposition
to
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 taking
risks
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. A very important point to consider is that it leads to significant personal and career growth.
This
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 means that
people
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take
Correct pronoun usage
who take
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 the initiative to start a business or switch careers often discover new opportunities that bring them greater satisfaction and success. To illustrate, I would like to mention that
people
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 decide to start a business after
taking
Verb problem
gaining
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knowledge enough
Correct word order
enough knowledge
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 in companies
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are often successful. Another point I would like to make is that taking
risks
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 helps
people
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 overcome fear and build confidence.
This
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 means that they can learn to deal with
uncertainly
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uncertainty
show examples
 and failure when they take individual challenges.
This
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 resilience can make them stronger and more capable of handling difficult situations in the future.
For example
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, many successful entrepreneurs, artists, and scientists achieved their goals because they were not afraid to take bold steps.
On the other hand
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,
in addition
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 to the important advantages, taking
risked
Replace the word
risks
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 has some problems.
People
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 have
this
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 opinion because not all
risks
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 are worth
to take
Wrong verb form
taking
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.
This
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 means that some
risks
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 will make
people
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be failure
Verb problem
fail
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 and they do not have any chances to
comeback
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come back
show examples
.
This
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issue
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 can be seen in the example that
people
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 often borrow money to invest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
one only
Correct word order
only one
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 share
in
Change preposition
of
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 stock. They believe that they will be successful
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it could make them lead to financial loss.
Secondly
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, taking a risk without having any knowledge. Poorly planned decisions or impulsive actions can lead to serious
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 make
quickly
Replace the word
quick
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 decisions and have no
any
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apply
show examples
backup plan, they won’t be successful. In conclusion, the
above mentioned
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above-mentioned
show examples
 facts have outlined the benefits
as well as
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 the drawbacks of
this
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issue
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. Its disadvantages should be taken into account.
People
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 should take advantage of the pros and
minimize
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minimise
show examples
 the cons of
this
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issue
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas and points throughout the essay. This will help the reader follow your argument and understand your main points better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clearer introduction and conclusion. This will help to frame your arguments and summarize your points effectively.
task achievement
Some of your examples could be made more relevant and specific. Make sure that your examples directly support your main points to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Consider balancing the advantages and disadvantages more evenly. This will show a deeper understanding of the topic and improve your overall argument.
task achievement
You have made some strong points about the benefits of taking risks, particularly in relation to personal growth and overcoming fear.
task achievement
Your essay shows a clear personal opinion, which is important for addressing the prompt.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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