IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Actions Yahoo Mail/SpamThe population of most cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities. What problems does overpopulation in cities cause? How can these problems be solved?

The world is very different today, and there are many things that have changed, including the increase in population in
cities
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.
People
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 are moving to urban places for more jobs and a better life.
This
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 essay will examine what
problems
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does
Verb problem
caused by
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overpopulation
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 in
cities
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cause
Verb problem
apply
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and how
can these
Correct word order
these problems can
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problems
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 be solved.
Overpopulation
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 in
cities
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 causes many serious
problems
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.
First,
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traffic jams become very common every day.
For
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example
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, in big
cities
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 like Cairo or Mumbai,
people
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 waste hours in traffic.
In addition
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, more
people
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 mean fewer houses, so rent prices go up.
Also
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, when
cities
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 are full, pollution increases quickly. The air becomes dirtier, which makes
people
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 get sick. Another issue is the stress on public hospitals and schools.
For
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example
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, in many areas it is hard to find space in schools.
Moreover
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,
people
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 sometimes wait many hours in hospitals. Not only that, but crime levels can go higher because of too many
people
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.
Therefore
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,
overpopulation
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 brings big
problems
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 for everyone in the city. One solution to
this
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 problem is improving public transportation.
For
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example
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, more metro lines can reduce car use. Another way is building cheap housing outside city centres.
This
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 can help families live in good conditions.
Also
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, jobs should be created in villages and small towns.
For
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example
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, companies can open factories in countryside areas.
In addition
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, schools in villages must be better so that
people
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 stay there. Parks and services can
also
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 help
people
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 enjoy life outside
cities
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. If these steps happen,
people
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 will move less to big
cities
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.
Overall
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, these ways can reduce
overpopulation
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 step by step. In conclusion ,
overpopulation
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 causes many issues
such
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 as traffic, housing
problems
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 and pollution, but it can be reduced by transport, housing, jobs, and education outside
cities
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.

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task achievement
Make sure the introduction clearly states your main points. This helps readers understand what to expect in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to connect your ideas better. This will improve how your essay flows.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or data to support your points, like statistics on housing or pollution, to make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You provided some good solutions to the problem of overpopulation, showing you can think of ways to improve the situation.
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