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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some argue that teachers whoule focus on academics more than motivating students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Teacher
Replace the word
Teaching
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 is a very important profession. They help young people
to
Verb problem
apply
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become smarter. Some people think that the main thing in
education
Correct article usage
the education
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process
Use synonyms
 is academic.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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there is an opinion about the importance of
motivation
Use synonyms
. I think that the second plays a critical role in the result. If we talk about
Use synonyms
motivation
Punctuation problem
motivation,
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 it is unnecessary in every case. Teachers can help pupils
to
Verb problem
apply
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understand
for
Change preposition
apply
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what they should work
.
Change preposition
on.
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For instance
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, scientists learned more about
this
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process
Use synonyms
. In two groups of children who took part in the
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 competitions, the second one, which had support, finished with
betters
Use the right word
better
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results
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.
Finally
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, it shows that
motivation
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 plays a critical role in
such
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 processes
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are connected with study and sport. Especially, I want to pay attention to
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
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 in class during the education
process
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. It will be better for students to hear pleasant words from their teacher.
As a result
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, in the case of fully focusing only on
material
Add a comma
material,
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 it is easy to
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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 relationships. One clear example is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 preparation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Unified
Correct article usage
the Unified
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 State Exam. Students
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
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 learned in
online-schools
Use the right word
online schools
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 with teachers
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who gave
motivation
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in
Change preposition
at
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 the start of every lesson
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 showed excellent
results
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 with 80 points
and
Correct word choice
or
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 more. And
such
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 schools like Umschool
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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this
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 statistic.
While
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 students who focused only on material had problems with mental health, self-doubt, and troubles with concentration.
Therefore
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, it affects
on
Change preposition
apply
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the
results
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 badly.
Finally
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,
this
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 example shows the importance of support. In conclusion, I want to say that every person wants to be surrounded by
comfort
Replace the word
a comfortable
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 atmosphere. It relates to every situation. Especially
to
Change preposition
in
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 education. So, teachers can help with it, because
motivation
Use synonyms
 really
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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 the
results
Use synonyms
 of
this
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process
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear transitions to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
content
You show a good understanding of the importance of motivation in learning.
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