IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, many children play computer games. What problems are associated with this and what are some possible solutions? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Nowadays, playing computer
games
Use synonyms
 is the most popular activity among
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the main problems of
this
Linking Words
 trend and propose potential solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue.
This
Linking Words
 trend can detrimentally affect on physical and mental health of
children
Use synonyms
 . The main disadvantage of playing computer
games
Use synonyms
 is a significant decrease in body movements , which not only leads to obesity in
children
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 can contribute to neck pain or eye trouble.
According to
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 research conducted by Toronto University in 2020, the major contributor to the obesity issue in kids is playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 on digital devices.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from a psychological view, the main aim of playing is developing vital skills, like communication, which are essential for their adult life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, just sitting alone and playing on the screen not only leads to mental health concerns
such
Linking Words
 as isolation, but
also
Linking Words
 completely removes the opportunity of developing their personalities. To address these
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
, parents and schools play important roles. One of the best yet simple solutions is considering the limited time during which
children
Use synonyms
 are permitted to play. Indeed, if playing these
games
Use synonyms
 is just an addictive behaviour, it would be controlled effectively in
this
Linking Words
 way.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, schools that are referred to as the second house of kids
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 should introduce the sites or events that encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to do outdoor and team activities.
For instance
Linking Words
, defining sports competitions or suggesting voluntary work in the jungle or beach will be attractive options. In conclusion, playing screen
games
Use synonyms
 is a growing trend among
children
Use synonyms
 , which unfortunately not only removes the original goal of play in
children
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 leads to some problems like
children
Use synonyms
's obesity. Parents and schools should have the main responsibility to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 limiting time and engaging
children
Use synonyms
 in more outdoor activities are possible solutions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that all parts of the question are answered clearly. Include specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly. Use connectors (like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally') to make your essay flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your sentences are clear and easy to read. Sometimes, complex sentences can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and gives a good overview of what the essay will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is good, with clear paragraphs for each main idea.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: