IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Anybody can use a mobile phone to answer the work and personal calls at any time or 7 days a week . Is this development more positive and negative

In the era of inexorable technological advances, mobile phones play an indispensable part in human daily life. A mobile gadget is used to serve job and personal purposes every day, including
free
Change preposition
in free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 is definitely a harmful development , and
this
Linking Words
 topic will be discussed thoroughly. On the positive side, mobile phones allow individuals to stay connected with others instantly , regardless of location. For many professionals , being reachable outside of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
office hours can increase work productivity and flexibility, particularly for those who work in different
time
Use synonyms
 zones. In urgent actions, quick access to phone calls can solve work-related issues
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 blink of an eye.
For instance
Linking Words
, especially for small enterprises and businesses,
this
Linking Words
 habit is vital in the marketing industry as
this
Linking Words
 can definitely maintain clients when being available to communicate 24/7. As for
this
Linking Words
 negative trend , answering phones when being out of working shifts probably distracts family's quality
time
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can weaken their relationships by reducing
frequency
Correct article usage
the frequency
show examples
communication
Change preposition
of communication
show examples
 with loved ones. Employees who are constantly bombarded with work might find themselves
being
Verb problem
experiencing
show examples
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
, burnout and suffer from cardiovascular and heart diseases, even when in their relaxing
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 happens especially when one works in the marketing industry since they have to communicate via handheld devices with clients to generate revenue for the enterprises.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 devices can make telecommunication genuinely useful and effective within
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 blink of an eye,
this
Linking Words
 might bring inconvenience for people working remotely in different
time
Use synonyms
 zones.

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Task Response
Your introduction states your opinion, but it's a bit unclear. Try to make it more specific about whether you think the positives outweigh the negatives or vice versa.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to connect your ideas more clearly. Use linking words (like 'firstly', 'secondly') to help the reader follow your argument better.
Task Response
Some of your examples are good, but you could make them clearer. Explain how they relate to your main points better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Adding a clear conclusion would strengthen your essay. Summarize your main points and restate your opinion clearly at the end.
Task Achievement
The essay presents both sides of the issue, which is good for task response.
Task Achievement
The use of examples is relevant, showing your understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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