IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shop that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shop that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph illustrates the
Use synonyms
figures
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 that were closed and newly opened from 2011 to 2018 in one country.
Overall
Linking Words
, both types of
shops
Use synonyms
 had the nearest number in 2014 and had a
devasting
Use the right word
devastating
show examples
 decline in 2015.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they fluctuated throughout the given period.
Initially
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
shops
Check wording
the number
show examples
 of
closured
Correct your spelling
closed
started
Check wording
shops started
show examples
 from approximately the number of 6400 in 2011 and slightly fluctuated until 2014.
However
Linking Words
, closing
shops
Use synonyms
 had dramatically
decrease
Replace the word
decreased
show examples
, which was less than 1000
shops
Use synonyms
 in 2015 and remained the lowest
Use synonyms
figures
Fix the agreement mistake
figure
show examples
 throughout the period. From 2016 to 2018, the
figures
Use synonyms
 remained stable
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was about 5000.
Although
Linking Words
 the opening
shops
Use synonyms
 fluctuated
throught
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the period,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 had slightly different patterns from the closing
shops
Use synonyms
. It had its highest peak in 2011
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 8500
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 dropped down to 4000 in the following year, 2012.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it slightly rose to 6000 from 2012 to 2014 and declined in 2015. The
figures
Use synonyms
 remained stable for the next three years and slightly dropped to 3000 in 2018.
However
Linking Words
, the number of opening
shops
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 in 2011, but
at the end
Linking Words
 of 2018, the
Use synonyms
figures
Check wording
number
show examples
 of closing
shops
Use synonyms
 remained more than the
opeing
Correct your spelling
opening
shops
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words figures, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • peak
  • decline
  • fluctuation
  • correlation
  • inverse relationship
  • notable
  • comparable
  • speculate
  • external factors
  • increment
  • decrement
  • overall
  • composite
  • linear
  • net gain
  • net loss
What to do next:
Look at other essays: