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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

changes in crime rates in an inner city over a 9-year period (from 2003 to 2012). The line graph shows the number of incidents for three types of crime: Burglary (breaking into buildings to steal things) Car theft (stealing cars) Robbery (stealing from people directly, often involving threats or violence)

changes in crime rates in an inner city over a 9-year period (from 2003 to 2012). The line graph shows the number of incidents for three types of crime: Burglary (breaking into buildings to steal things) Car theft (stealing cars) Robbery (stealing from people directly, often involving threats or violence)
The given bar graph illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
adults
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 who were qualified from a variety of
education
Use synonyms
providers
Use synonyms
 every decade from 1981 to 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be seen that the
proportion
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 of
adults
Use synonyms
 qualified from all
education
Use synonyms
providers
Use synonyms
 rose throughout the given period, with the exception of trades.
Moreover
Linking Words
, high school had the highest
proportion
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 across the years. In terms of two
education
Use synonyms
providers
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 with the highest levels of
adults
Use synonyms
 at the start, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of high school and trades stood at 23 and 11
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 1981. From
this
Linking Words
 point onwards, the
proportion
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 of high school
surged
Check wording
students surged
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 gradually and reached a peak at approximately 28 by 2001 .
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of
adults
Use synonyms
 from trades remained unchanged, maintaining its original level in the final year. Regarding the other two
education
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providers
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 with
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 proportions in the beginning, college
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and university started at 9 and 10
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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. Over the given period, the
proportion
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 of college
doubled
Check wording
students doubled
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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similarly
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 from university
also
Linking Words
 experienced a moderate growth
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 both reached the same level at exactly 18 in 2001.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, adults, education, providers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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