IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph below provides key information about the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 by activity from the year 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that there is a massive change in some of the sectors.
In addition
Linking Words
, musical
performaces
Correct your spelling
performances
 and
tabel
Correct your spelling
table
 tennis sectors had made a huge increase
around
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years,
whereas
Linking Words
 amateur dramatics
were
Verb problem
experienced
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 opposite they massive decrease
around
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the sectors of film club and martial arts maintained their number of
participants
Use synonyms
 around
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
10 years. The two started with more than 30
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
having
Punctuation problem
, having
show examples
 a slight decrease in the beginning
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the two ended with an increase
maintaining
Punctuation problem
, maintaining
show examples
 above 35
participants
Use synonyms
 in 2020. In terms of musical
perfomances
Correct your spelling
performances
 and table tennis, both of them had a bad start,
in
Linking Words
contrast
Punctuation problem
contrast,
show examples
 in the year
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 the two had
and
Use the right word
an
show examples
exponantial
Correct your spelling
exponential
 growth ending in 2020 with approximately more
thant
Correct your spelling
than
 20
participants
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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