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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012

The pie charts below show the percentage of five kinds of books sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012
The given pie chart provides data about sales in
library
Correct article usage
the library
show examples
 between 1972 and 2012 in percentage
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the period other types of
books
Use synonyms
 were popular, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 decreased over the period.
Adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
, Children`s
fiction
Use synonyms
 and biography showed the same proportion.Travel had the least proportion in the given chart
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it fluctuated till the end of the year.
Use synonyms
Adult
Correct article usage
The adult
show examples
fiction
Use synonyms
 category overtook the leadership in the end.
Initially
Linking Words
, other types of
books
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in the first place in 1972 with 25%,
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to other types of
books
Use synonyms
.
Adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
books
Use synonyms
 illustrated 20% of interest in 1972.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 other
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 losing popularity by 5%,
Adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
 was increasing over the period and became 25%.In the final year ,
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
books
Use synonyms
 have declined significantly and displayed 12%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
Adult
Use synonyms
fiction
Use synonyms
 overtook the leadership
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
it grew by 25
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
, showing the highest change in the given chart.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, children`s
fiction
Use synonyms
 and biography were showing 20%, but people lost interest in biography
books
Use synonyms
 by 12 % and it showed the least proportion.
In addition
Linking Words
, children`s
fiction
Use synonyms
 rose minimally from 20% to 25%.Eventually, Travel
books
Use synonyms
 were not stable
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 4 decades
Punctuation problem
. in
show examples
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
1972
Punctuation problem
1972,
show examples
 it was 15%, next 20 years it increased to 18
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
 the end it decreased by 8
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words books, adult, fiction with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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