An increasing number of people are choosing cosmetic surgery for changing their appearance. What can be the reasons for this? Do you think it’s a positive or negative development?

First of all, the increasing number of people who are choosing cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

dont

Correct your spelling

don't

change

Use synonyms

their appearance for no reason. There are

couple

Correct article usage

a couple

show examples

factors

Change preposition

of factors

show examples

to it,

firstly

Linking Words

, they could have had a terrible incident that

lead

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

to broken bones or burned skin , which leads them to cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

Change preposition

for

show examples

example

Add a comma

example,

show examples

the WW1

soliders

Correct your spelling

soldiers

after the war

effected

Use the right word

affected

show examples

them

Correct your spelling

physically

physicly

Punctuation problem

physicly,

show examples

they got plastic

surgery

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

, they might have trouble breathing through their nose because of its structure

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

they need to get

surgery

Use synonyms

for it to help them

breath

Replace the word

breathe

show examples

better.

and

Fix capitalization

And

show examples

lastly

Linking Words

, it could be because of the

increase

Replace the word

increased

show examples

bullying from family members or friends or even through the internet, which causes some people to lose confidence, and push them to

change

Use synonyms

their

apperence

Correct your spelling

appearance

. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

cosmetic

surgery

Use synonyms

is a

postive

Correct your spelling

positive

and a negative development.

postive

Correct your spelling

positive

for the one who got terribly injured and negative for the ones who simply

change

Use synonyms

their

apperence

Correct your spelling

appearance

to follow the beauty standard.

Fix capitalization

show examples

everyone

the

Change preposition

in the

show examples

world had to

change

Use synonyms

the way they looked to fit a

so called

Use the right word

so-called

show examples

beauty standard

Linking Words

then

Punctuation problem

, then

show examples

we would all look the same, and we as humans are

bulit

Correct your spelling

built

to be different from

eachother

Correct your spelling

each other

Punctuation problem

. thats

show examples

thats

Use the right word

That's

show examples

why beauty is relative

Punctuation problem

; we

show examples

all

looked

Wrong verb form

look

show examples

different

yet

Punctuation problem

, yet

show examples

we are all beautiful in our

ways

Correct word choice

own ways

show examples

lamissun2007

Jul 16, 2025

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language use

Make sure to check spelling and grammar, like 'dont' should be 'don't' and 'postive' should be 'positive'.

structure

Try to have a clear introduction stating your main idea and a conclusion that summarizes your key points.

content

Add more examples to support your reasons, especially for points about bullying and beauty standards.

content

You have provided different reasons for cosmetic surgery, which shows some variety in your thinking.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

211 words

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An increasing number of people are choosing cosmetic surgery for changing their appearance. What can be the reasons for this? Do you think it’s a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Zoos are inhumane and should be abolished. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The amount of traffic in cities is growing. What are the causes and what measures can be taken to reduce it?

Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

A friend has offered you some work in his company. You are currently employed and not able to start for three months. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter

Some people believe that children should be involved in making their school\'s rules. Others say that only adults should make the school\'s rules. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.