IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cities , people are choosing cars instead of bycyles , while in others cities riding bike is replacing cars . Why is this case ? Which development do you think is better?

Most
people
Use synonyms
 have a tendency to choose bicycles
instead
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 of automobiles,
when
Correct word choice
while
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 some of them prefer
cars
Use synonyms
 in other cities.
This
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 case is associated with some reasons, and I personally believe that
bikes
Use synonyms
 have more advantages for individuals and society than
cars
Use synonyms
. The
bikes
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 are more
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 by
people
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 nowadays, as one of the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 might be the increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
awareness of
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of them. The main
once
Use the right word
one
show examples
 is to reduce the cases of traffic
congestions
Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
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 in urban areas, as dwellers usually suffer from it.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 influenced
people
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 to utilise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eco-friendly vehicles because of their advantages
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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led
Verb problem
has led
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 to
be
Verb problem
improved
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healthy
Replace the word
health
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.
Thus
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, since there are
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 disadvantages in
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of bicycles than
cars
Use synonyms
, more and more individuals are choosing
the
Check wording
bicycles
show examples
bikes
Use synonyms
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cities. The utilisation of the
bikes
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
Use synonyms
cars
Change preposition
of cars
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. The automobiles emit harmful gases
to
Change preposition
into
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air in the
Correct word order
the air in
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traffics
Correct subject-verb agreement
traffic
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,
as a result
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,
this
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 can cause air pollution.
Moreover
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, they require a lot of sources,
such
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 as petrol
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and electricity. And
this
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 might have negative
affects
Use the right word
effects
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 like reduction of
non-reneweable resourses
Correct your spelling
non-renewable resources
.
Therefore
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, if we use
the
Correct article usage
apply
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private
cars
Use synonyms
instead
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bikes
Use synonyms
,
this
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 can
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
the country's economy and the environment. In conclusion, I personally
agrue
Correct your spelling
agree
 about the advantages of the use of the
bikes
Use synonyms
, as
this
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 development is eco-friendly and
also
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 better for
people
Use synonyms
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 my view, when we commute by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
bikes
Fix the agreement mistake
bike
show examples
,
this
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 can help to keep healthy by improving
muscles'
Fix the agreement mistake
muscle'
show examples
 action and blood circulation.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with specific details or examples.
task achievement
Improve your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and correct any spelling mistakes to increase clarity.
task achievement
You identified both sides of the topic, showing an understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion in your conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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